Nipple ring

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Disambiguation: this article is about nipple piercing. For the phenomenon of nipples that are covered by rings or rectangles while on camara, see Nipple Censorship.

“Trust me it's worth letting an old skinhead skewer you're nipple with a rusty nail, I mean CHICKS DIG THIS.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Nipple rings

“They're functional, yet stylish. I have a ring on all three of my nipples!”

The History of the nipple ring[edit]

The origin of the nipple piercing was as a vice to stifle the powers of people with inverted nipples. It is a well known fact that people with inverted nipples, much like the left handed or musicians can do anything (especially stealing your wife) as a result of magic powers. The previous statement was entirely true until the invention of the nipple ring. it is believed to be this and this alone that has lead to Russell Crowes personality and refusal to use deoderent.

Russell Crowe, just wants to be loved.

Slowly but surely a secret brotherhood of "inverts" is being formed to assure the destruction of every nipple ring on earth so that the climb back to power can be successfully achieved. This resistance is lead by famous google founder Steve Ballmer who is insistent that he should "fucking kill Nipple rings."

How to obtain a nipple ring and what to look for[edit]

The obtainment of a nipple ring is possible in three ways:

  • . In selected packs of Corn Flakes. Ask your mum for corn flakes today!
  • . Off selected parts of the Libyian black market
  • . For those of you who haven't worked this out yet, everything that has ever existed from African slaves to Cocaine is available on ebay.

When purchasing a nipple ring one should look through the possibilities. there are several types of nipple ring, most of which were invented by Striperella.

  • . Decoder nipple ring. a more expensive alternative to a decoder ring, but damn ... it's sexy
  • . Nipple ring camera. a more expensive alternative to a camera, but damn ...
  • . Samuel L.Jackson nipple ring, automatically warns of infection by shouting out "You're f**king infected b**tch mother-f**ker" until destroyed.

Breastfeeding with a nipple ring[edit]

A common problem taken up with doctors is the ability to breastfeed with a nipple ring, it should be known that anyone who ever planned on breastfeeding yet had BOTH their nipples pierced is just a wee bit retarded.

See also[edit]