Mr. Stingray
“WHAT. A. FUCKER.”
“Man, I love animals...except for that cock sucker.”
“Father, forgive him *gasp* , for he doesn't know what he just did... *gasp*.. "last breath*" ”
“I thought X Rays were harmless”
Dr. Reginald Frank Stingray (b. 1950, Brooklyn, NY), is a stingray comedian best known for killing noted naturalist and Steve Irwin (for which he was honored as a member of the Order of Australia for). He also is to blame for the death of childrens entertainer, Steve-o and Peter Brock, crikey!
Early Years[edit]
Mr. Stingray (neé Bradwürst ), born Shlomo Mestirstein Gray to parents Moishe Gray and Sheila Mestirstein, was well-known throughout the Brooklyn fish community.After falling into a vat of nuclear waste he emerged as a mutant stingray satan,this is never mentioned from here on this is the only time you hear of this. After his Bar Mitzvah, he moved to Australia, where he excelled in scaring the carp out of tourists. In college, he was a well-known stand-up philosopher and political activist, in a diverse range of groups ranging from Aboriginal rights, to the gay-straight fish alliance. Whatever the matter, he poked fun at it all--with his stinger. He is als to blame for the children over board inicodent in australia
Career as Stand-Up Comic[edit]
Mr. Stingray was successful for several years as a stand-up comic, often doing a warm-up act for beloved (and behated) Australian comic Yahoo Serious. Not many stingrays have entered stand-up comedy, mostly because--being legless--it's difficult for them to stand.
Mr. Stingray overcame this handicap, and made millions laugh with his comedy bit that went like this:
“Youse can call me Ray, 'n' youse can call me Sting, 'n' youse can call me S-Ray, 'n' youse can call me Mistah, but youse cannot calla me Stingray!”
Mr. Stingray Enters Political Arena[edit]
He formed a political party with a simple platform: Don't no pickin' us up 'n' wavin' us about on deh television 'n' stuff or wees'll kill yeh. Australia had been plagued with a problem: naturalists from around the world would come and pick up native flaura, fauna, and aboriginals, and wave them about for American TV shows. The fauna, in particular, were growing quite pissed-off at this, and wanted to get revenge. Mr. Stingray's platform came at an opportune time to achieve a critical mass of followers, and many naturalists stopped their annoying habit of picking up animals.
The Execution[edit]
One of the people to help get Mr. Stringray executed was one of Steve Irwins greatest friends, Peter Brock. Late Peter Brock was killed by one of Mr. Stringray's many informants.
One jab into his heart was all it took. Though it was widely reported that "Crikey!" was Irwin's last word as Mr. Stingray lunged in, in fact his last word was "Crap!", followed by "URRGGGHRRHRGUG *GURGLEGURGLEGURGLE* GAsp......
Despite the overwhelming evidence against Mr.stingray, the Flat Earth Society still argue that he didn't kill Steve Irwin, they believe it was in fact Tinkerbell using a blueberry and say Mr. Stingray just got framed- by his own tail.
"Pow! Deys doesn't call mees a stingray fa nuh'in'," Stingray was heard to say. "So 'e goes, 'n 'e lays down right on toppa me! Waddahell was 'e expectin'?" Stingray added. "If 'e wanted some lovin', he shouldda found 'imselffa hugray! Oy Veh!"
Aftermath[edit]
Stingray has gone into hiding, because angry, drunken mobs of Australians--far angrier and drunker than they normally are--are trying to kill him. He's rumored to be safe, he was hanging with Osama Bin Laden in an undisclosed location in Pakistan but got away when NATO raided the compund. The Australian Mafia (which DOES exist) carried out a number of reprisals against Mr. Stingray's family, as Steve Irwin was the cousin of Mafia don Big Bird. Several mutilated stingray bodies were found at the bottom of the ocean off of Australia, their tails covered in cement. Of Mr. Stingray himself, Big Bird has promised, "We'll get that bastard! There's only so many caves to hide in in Pakistan!"
Stingray has agreed to meet with Michael Moore at an undisclosed location to film several interviews for an upcoming documentary Annoyed by Steve Irwin. The documentary includes interviews with parakeets, crocodiles, spiders, kangaroos, and other Australian fauna that have been pestered by Mr. Irwin. "They'll see that there was a vast animal conpiracy," says Mr. Moore. "It wasn't just Mr. Stingray acting alone. The Jews were behind this, too."
Personal life[edit]
Mr. Stingray is currently doing Aqua-Marina, a sexy slutty thing from the planet of Freddie Mercury.
Though stingrays, and little swimmy things in general, aren't known for their intelligence, the unusual landcape of Australia makes for some unusual animals, like the killer budgie, and the boomerang. Australian stingrays are unusually intelligent, and Mr. Stingray has been called a prodigy by fellow marine animals like Lance Bass and Ryan Seacrest. Mr. Stingray's hobbies include killing crocodile hunters such as Steve Irwin.
Mr. Stingray helped to write the only song (so far) whoch has honoured both Steve Irwin and Peter Brock, Andrew Hansen's Eulogy Song. It is understood that one of these two songwiters wanted to write the song in a tasteful and respectful manner, but the other one ruined it.