Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 3

March 3: International Beat Random People With a Metal Pipe Day

• 4328 BCE - Goa Tse is born. (pictured)
• 992 - The Guild of Lead Pipefitters is established in direct competition with masons and Freemasonry for secret control of the West. For some mysterious reason, the guild's membership would drop to near zero levels within five years.
• 1944 - It is Mr. Green, in the lounge, with the lead pipe.
• 1929 - René Magritte finishes La Trahison des images with the inscription "Ceci n'est pas un pipe". A confused art critic would later attack him with a left-footed aardvark holding an apple.
• 1970 - Tonya Harding is born.
• 1973 - "Down goes Frazier!!" is heard after the champ is reportedly seen being hit in the knee by a 3-year-old girl.
• 1987 - Well, now that I've finally done it, I might as well post it on the internet.
• 1999 - Hey, this link doesn't look too bad. Let's see where it... OH MY GOD!
• 2000 - One year free of that horrid image. Hey, my friend told me to go to a site. This couldn't possibly be bad... JESUS CHRIST! COME ON!
• 2001 - Another link, I'm not falling for that one. But www.kittens.com, how could it be... WHY GOD WHY?!
• 2002 - No more links, I swear – but hey, a movie file... GOOD LORD! THEY ANIMATED IT!
• 2003 - It has been one year since I've gone blind, so I can now safely click on links to view webpages... "Listen to this article"?... OH COME ON! THAT IS DISTURBING.
• 2004 - Now that I've gone deaf, all is well. Oh what is this, an image-to-braille converter? Hmm, I'll take a random image off my hard drive, convert... now let's see what it feels like... Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghh!
• 2008 - I finally got back some of my hearing after an extensive earwax cleaning. The best video ever...I've just got to see that...WTF?
• 2016 - Numerous pictures of metal pipes are texted and shown on social media along with a lot of very angry emojis.