Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 22

March 22: Water Day

• 3400 BC - Citizens of Atlantis become so enamored with water that they decide to sink their island into the sea, which is principally composed of water. Mostly, kind of.
• 338 BC - Aristotle is stunned to discover what fish do in water and swears off the stuff forever.
• 1452 - Tired of city-state constantly fighting city-state, the Mayan Empire decides to invade itself to simplify things. It works like a charm.
• 1745 - Water Day is officially recognized by fish for the first time; when asked why fish officials reply, "For the halibut."
• 1801 - The myth that domesticated turkeys will drown themselves by looking up when it rains is disproved. It is also found that humans watching turkeys by standing out in the rain have a 65% chance of contracting pneumonia, but only 10% die of drowning trying to look up when its raining.
• 1894 - Using "frozen water", the first playoff game for the Stanley Cup starts.
• 1899 - Tired of delivering pitchers of ice water to Helen Keller's hotel room after she keeps calling them saying "wa-ter, wa-ter", hotel staff ignore her. They later find her teacher Anne Sullivan drowned in an overflowing bathtub in the locked bathroom.
• 1941 - The state of Washington enslaves water to generate electricity using the Grand Coulee Dam.
• 1997 - Tara Lipinski, age 14 years and 10 months, becomes the youngest champion of the women's world frozen water walking competition.
• 1999 - Oprah drinks water on her show. Water sales triple among women.
• 2005 - Water invades New Orleans. Congress declares war on water.
• 2008 - Four-year-old Amanda Dinkleschmidt celebrates Water Day by giving her goldfish some water.
• 2014 - Water now only exists in plastic bottles. Fish cope as best they can.