Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 5

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

January 5: International Day of Minor Hubris

• 1653 BCE - Minoans run with scissors after inventing them, with predictable results.
• 1011 BCE - The Greeks invent hubris and feel pretty smug about it.
• 1632 - As if anything was going to happen in the 1600s.
• 1740 - Worldwide squirrel defenestration conspiracy forms.
• 1794 - The French start to use Leonardo da Vinci's crude design of the helicopter to speed up growing guillotine queues.
• 1838 - Samuel Morse invents the first electrical telegraph and immediately sends out his first message: "49/m/nyc STOP any girls up 4 cyber? STOP."
• 1938 - Scrooge McDuck founds the Bilderberg Group so he can charge for food, drink and lodging during the conferences.
• 1955 - Birth of whiskey maker and drunk-driving victim Johnnie Walker, the Johnnie Walker Act of 1990 being named in his honor.
• 1992 - In an emotional speech, IG-88 comes out to the world to announce he has tested positive for the Michelangelo Virus.
• 1994 - Richard Nixon dies. His body isn't discovered for another fifteen weeks due to the fact that no one cared to check.
• 1998 - Birds suddenly begin evolving backward and reverting to dinosaurs, upsetting fans of Charles Darwin.
• 2003 - Arnold Schwarzenegger is inaugurated Governor of California, announces that he intends to cut the state's deficit, improve education, and find a woman named "Sarah Connor".
• 2004 - Fox News denies reporting showing favor to Republicans and dismisses it as "a left-wing conspiracy out to target our saviour of all things freedom, George W. Bush."
• 2005 - Eris is located via a massive telescope, and an argument follows about what a planet is. Once they come into agreement on this, astronomers proceed to argue over whether Pluto counts as a planet or not.
• 2009 - President Barack Obama is sworn into office. Entire world thanks God his name isn't Bush. Or George. Or Hussein.