Jabberwocky

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Jabberwocky is a poem written in collaberation with Lewis Carroll, C S Lewis, Meriweather Lewis, Lewis Hamilton, King Louis-Philippe of Iran, Lou-Lou and Anonymous. You can read it here.

Background/History

The meaning and purpose of this poem is not fully understood. Many believe that the majority of this poem is a metaphorical representation of medieval Russia while many literalists believe the entire state of affairs genuinely took place. However, according to the diary entries of Anonymous and Lou Lou on the 27th May 1763 the entire group of poets met up for a session of writing and drug taking. Sacagawea and Tiger Lily provided weed and pipe for the group while dancing an erotic ritual ceremony in front of Meriweather Lewis, joined by numerous American Indians who were drawn in by the great bonfire heating a cauldron filled with mescaline and crystal meth at the center of the poets. Lou Lou maintains that the crystal meth found at the purported site was actually stardust from Tinkerbell ("yeah, just like Walter White is really Willy Wonka") and that the pentagram drawn under the cauldron was part of an incantation to summon Peter Pan.

Above: A few of the drugs in question

“It was just a bit of a laugh. We got down to some serious poetry; you know, the really hardcore stuff. So what if there were a few pills and potions involved? A nibble of mushroom here and snuffle of powder there can do no more harm than a sleeping lamb.”

~ C S Lewis, who later died of a hallucinogen-related condition

According to the poets, the plot synopsis and the poem’s made-up unrecognisable complex language has nothing to do with the numerous hallucinogens ingested that evening.

Translation

The large majority of sane people don't understand a word of the actual poem, however Scientists have discoverd a way to Decipher the Incomprehensible text by spellchecking it on word translating it into Japanese using an online translating website and back into English this is what they came up with

gyre and the betting of toe wages of the calculation of Twas of the `and training Osamu place were done: The woman whose everything is young was brogues, and as for rut/rat of pantomime you resent.

" My son of Jabberwocky be careful! The jaw which you bite, the nail which is caught! The bird of Jujube be careful, avoid violent Bandersnatch! "

He took the sword of that virus of labor assistant: The enemy of Manxwomen which long time he pursues -- Therefore with the wood of the tutu, him making go to bed, and being for a while raised to thought.

And, in offish thought the way he stood, Jabberwocky of the eye of the flame, it comes and passes by the [teyuru] wood and blows lightly, sound was raised and as that!

One and 2! One and 2! And the blade of the virus went giggle the food completely lightly! As for him it died to that, it left the head and as for him walking through sound it did.

" And, did you murder Jabberwocky? You come to my arm, my beamish boy! The frabjous day of O! Callooh! [orandakaiu]! ' He laughed loudly with that joy.

gyre and the betting of toe wages of the calculation of Twas of the `and training Osamu place were done; The woman whose everything is young was brogues, and as for rut/rat of pantomime you resent.

An alternate translation from every language available on Google Translate turns up like this;

Ground or emotional.

Price: Pete

Shoes tune.

Angry parents, poor

The son of a mouse.

The nature of the iron!' ' Ready for flu treatment.

Crazy Drive!

Karl Friday.

We work for the enemy -.

Game.

I began to think

All

Fire-starter.

Windows Bush.

Papa!

A second dog! A second dog!

Word offshore fat dessert!

E.

But if

Call me!

In the hands of my children, thank you expected!

Hi! Fight! Internet

Thanks for listening.

It said happy dust.

Beams and games;

Worldwide low;

Angry young lady."

Many scholars have attempted to work this out but all have failed.

Word Meanings

To help readers fully understand this poem, here is a list of definitions for the made-up unrecognisable complex words:

• Brillig – (adj.) to be brillig is to have a pungent fragrance emanating from the object in question. “Deary me. This muggy weather has made my naval quite brillig!”
• Slithy tove – (n.) a slithy tove is a species of bipedal frog (of the genus croakus croakinius) that has adopted many human behavioural patterns. They undergo the sacrament of marriage at the age of sixty and often have seven children per season.

Above: A pair of sixty-four year old slithy toves on their honeymoon

• Gyre – (v.) to peel off flaking sunburnt skin, usually from the genitals.
• Gimble – (v.) to put a bicycle chain back onto the gears after it has slipped off.
• Wabe – (n.) a small burrow in which warthogs dwell. In this context, however, it is thought to be a metaphor for a large dwelling made of bricks and mortar in which a number of people reside, sometimes called a “house”.
• Mimsy – (adj.) horny, randy, sexually aroused, turned on, hormonally excited, erect or desperate.
• Borogove – (n.) a large three-legged bionic chicken. Upgrades for your borogoves such as jetpacks, flamethrowers and grenade launchers are available here
• Mome rath – (n.) a hamster-human hybrid into a rabid reptile that partakes in, and is self-evidently the product of bestiary (sex with animals); it is a subject of heated debate which one of the "mome" and the "rath" is the adjective and the noun, since French, Spanish, Greek, Italian, and Latin linguists maintain that "rath" is the adjective while the English, Chinese, Indian, Japanese, and Korean linguist, and basically the rest of the world's linguists say otherwise
• Outgrabe – (v.) to undertake bestiary, an act forbidden by The Bible:

“Exodus 22:19

Whosoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.”

“Leviticus 18:23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.”

“Leviticus 20:16 And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

“Deuteronomy 27:21

Cursed be he that lieth with any manner of beast. And all the people shall say, Amen.”

~ Da Bible, innit

Above: The Jabberwock with three of its four heads visible

• Jabberwock – (n.) Sometimes called the Jobberwack, the Jackerwobb, the Wackerjobb, the Wockerjabb, the Wobberjack or the Moose, the Jabberwock is a large mammal with devastating strength. It resembles a walrus with a walrus’ head in its mouth with a snake’s head in its mouth with an ant’s head in its mouth. The boy scouts hired it in 1967 as it could start a fire with its powerful flaming eyes but it was soon kicked out after failing to complete its “I Will Not Eat Anyone For A Whole Day!” Badge.
• Jubjub bird – (n.) sea seegull
• Frumious – (adj.) just plain mean. “Adolf Hitler, you are frumious!”
• Bandersnatch – (n.) a demonic angel-sheep with a ready-made quilt instead of wool. Bandersnatchi usually spend most of their day stealing toffee from small children. For desert they have a preference for bankers.
• Vorpal sword – (n.) contrary to popular belief, this is not pronounced “sword” as in “The [-] in the Stone” but is supposed to be spoken phonetically; “Swore-d”. A Vorpal Sword is a powerful handgun. The name derives from a man named Vorpal who promised a fairy he would not swear lest he be turned into a gun. Unfortunately, Vorpal swored (hence the name) and was turned into this weapon for eternity.
• Manxome – (adj.) 1. sexually attractive 2. long-haired. “The man was manxome in both ways.”
• Tumtum Tree – (n.) an anagram of “mute mutter”. Oddly enough, this is one of the only species of its kind that can talk; its mutters are anything but “muted”. Coincidence? I think not…
• Uffish – (adj.) Lewis Hamilton claims this was a misspelling of the word “huffish” meaning sullen or moody.

Above: The deadly Bandersnatch. If you see one of these on your street call the National Bandersnatch Extermination line on 0800-ROAST-LAMB

• Whiffle – (v.) contrary to the exciting sound of the word, to whiffle is to trudge slowly and miserably. Whiffling is usually undertaken by a man who has just lost his wife, job, car, house and beer.
• Tulgey – (adj.) when something is tulgey it is said to be making a noise like that of a pigeon.
• Burble – (v.) to move slowly so as to not be noticed.
• Vorpal Blade – (n.) contrary to popular belief, this is not pronounced “blade” as in “Razor [-]” but is supposed to be spoken phonetically; “Blad-eh” or “Bladder”. A Vorpal Blade is a powerful explosive projectile. The name derives from a man named Vorpal who promised a fairy he would not swear lest he be asploded. Unfortunately, Vorpal swore and he did asplode. His bladder flew across the floor and landed at the feet of the fairy and asploded in her face, killing her instantly. The government saw the power in this weapon and mass-produced them. Unfortunately, they spelt bladder “blade” (and explode “asplode” … … … retards …)
• Snicker-snack – (n.) an asplosion noise.
• Galumph – (v.) to galumph is to lollop or run like a spaz who’s shit their pants.
• Slay – (v.) to have slain something is Ye Olde English word for having raped something.
• Beamish (adj.) to be beamish is to be good in bed. “Oh yeah! Oh baby!! More! Harder! Call me a naughty boy! Oh fuck, you’re really beamish!!! Oh!”
• Frabjous – (adj.) if something is considered frabjous it looks as if it has just slain the Jabberwock.
• Callooh! Callay! – (n.) “Callooh! Callay!” is German for, “Well, I’ll be honest with you. I didn’t think you’d end up killing the Jabberwock and coming back in one piece so I’ve already sold your DVDs and the Wii. If your gonna be still living in this house you’ll have to sleep on the sofa. I’ve lent your room out to this funny looking unemployed man who stopped by seeking sanctuary. Said his name was Tony Blair and he used to be famous. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of him…?” In the same way as this large piece of text can be squeezed into two German words, by saying “Jabberwock Schnee-Schnee Tra-la-la!” you can recite the entire poem in German in less than four seconds.
• Chortle – (v.) to chortle is to get so excited and hyperactive that a little bit of wee slips out into one’s underwear.

Errors

Let’s face it; the poets made some serious mistakes in this piece. The poem is called “Jabberwocky” but the protagonist only meets a “Jabberwock”. In all fairness to the patronized readers, these words are entirely different as a Jabberwocky looks nothing like a four-headed walrus-walrus-snake-ant. Also, how could a slithy tove possibly peel skin off their genitals and put a bike chain back on the gears at the same time? As well as this, how could a borogove (which is robotic and therefore has no emotions or feelings) be horny? And another thing: why the fuck does he take his Vorpal Sword and end up using a Vorpal Blade on the Jabberwock? I could sit here all day typing rhetorical questions into this article but I’ll leave you to find more preposterous, ridiculous, outrageous, unbelievable, absurd, laughable, silly and outlandish ideas on your own.

Sequels

Four sequels of this poem have been written by the same group of poets with the special guest inputs of Spring-Heeled Jack, Kermit the Frog, Top Cat and Mary Poppins. Claims that Osama Bin Laden contributed are believed to be wide of the mark. They are as follows:

• “Slithy Tove Mary: Jubjub Bird Slayer” – A slithy tove named Mary Magdalene sets out on a quest to kill the evil Jubjub bird but disaster ensues.
• “Out To Catch The Bandersnatch” – Tony Blair leaves the house of the original poem’s hero and goes searching for the lair of the bandersnatch. There he encounters the biggest collection of toffee he has ever set is eyes upon but disaster ensues.
• “Disaster Ensues” – The Jabberwock’s mum goes out one day hoping disaster will ensue but all goes swimmingly.
• “The Boy Who Murdered His Dad Because He As-Good-As Kicked Him Out Of The House And Would Rather Live With The Ex Prime Minister Than His Own Son” – All about a boy (the Jabberwock slayer) who murders his Dad because he as-good-as kicked him out of the house and would rather live with the ex prime minister than his own son. Disaster ensues at some point or other.

More From These Poets

The six poets did not write any further work after the sequels (but continued taking drugs) so this section is a waste of time, space, money and time. …And space.

Oh hang on! … They wrote a poem about a dog to raise money for charity in 2006. But yeah, that’s it.