HowTo:Really Get HATED on Uncyclopedia
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“Adding loads of Captain Obvious quotes everywhere will do it.”
So, you're either a really well known and very charismatic Uncyclopedia user reading this or just some shmuck that nobody knows about. This article is meant for that shmuck; if on the other hand you are some popular uncyclopedian, feel free to continue reading. Now, are you being an Uncyclopedian trying to make your name heard? Well, this article is for you. Following the instructions in this article is bound to make you popular person number one, just like myself. I am hated on this website, but everyone knows my name. You can have everyone know your name, too, just if you get REALLY SUPER-DUPER HATED ON UNCYCLOPEDIA. Just take it from me Readmesoon, a hated user.
The Only Road to Popularity
Unless you have super writing power there is no way you will be heard of on this website. Or if you write some article that becomes some stupid and retarded in-joke. However, the odds are against that happening to you, a small little twit-wit person. So this is where the road splits - down the road of playing fair and hoping your articles will get featured and that you will attain popularity the clean and pure way, or make a name for yourself instantly by being some ruthless bad-boy. I took the second one, and look where I am now! Voted for ban, hated by all admins, it's living the high life, I tell you. Nothing's better than going on to a website and being public enemy number three. That's right, three. There's some person out there more hated than me, and it could be you.
There are a few basic things that will make you mister popular bad-guy. These are pranks, jokes, and plain old bad things that can get you blocked, banned or just hated. I have done many things that have gotten me blocked before, and just hated by users. Take note of all the tings to do, for they are the key to being HATED.
Start out by vandalizing popular pages such as
AAAAAAAAA! and Oscar Wilde and Grue. Notice how all of them are in-joke pages, those are the best to start out on. Uncyclopedia is good too. Just write WE SUCK in big text in the text. I did that. And adding people that everyone knows of at random is good, like Chuck Norris, Oprah Winfrey, any celebs out there are great. Certain languages would be good too, like Hebrew, French, and Portuguese. Also, destoying the page that is currently featured is awesome too. Say that Ducks was featured or something, start writing about camels and dolphins and blenders in the middle of the article. It works every time.
Another outstanding thing that is almost as good as vandalizing is blanking. Some long article that obviously took time to make is the prime target; especially ones made by popular users and featured articles. Don't bother saving the text, because it will just get reverted later. Also, VFDing pages is fun, especially when they are very good.
The last activity sure to make you happy is the Keep-making-articles-that-keep-getting-deleted activity. You just do what the name says and keep making an article over and over and over again until you feel it is the right time to stop or until you get banned. Or make a series of one paragraph articles with no pictures that nobody will want to read to give the admins more work of deleting them, just because you are envious that they have something better to do and you do not.
These are the things that will surely get you banned, and are definitely the most fun, except for the ones that are more fun than these. Some fun things include:
- Rigging votes in your favor
- Nominating already featured articles for VFH
- Writing shit on your most hated admin's user page
- Change votes that are "for" to "against" or "abstain" on VFH, VFD etc.
- Self nom and vote for yourself for WotM, NotM, PotM, UotM, WotY, UotY, PotY, and most of all, FFS
All of these are great, great things that will ruin your ego. Having done most of these things, I'm saying right now that rigging the votes is the most fun. All of the dummy accounts will be permanently blocked, and you get
blocked for about a month permabanned. It is really exhilarating. Also, nominating already featured articles make people say "This has already been featured, you shit. What, are you stupid or something?" Then you reply "Yes." They think it's a joke, you ruin their userpage, yeah.
Changing 'for' votes to 'against' votes seems to have the biggest impact on other people though. They think that they voted for, check the history and see that you switched it. If they are an admin, you get banned or blocked. So do that to people you know are admins. Voting for yourself is always fun, it shows your greed and makes people think you suck balls.
The Really Fun Activities (Activities that will surely get you banned you in an instant)
These are the greats, the best, the tops. Do these, and you are ban magnet. Simple things that mean instant banning are:
- Finding an image on Google and uploading so you can nom it for VFP
- Noming an article for VFP
- Noming a picture for VFH
- Blanking every single page on Uncyclopedia (a 234 day activity)
- Renaming all the featured articles
- Add ICU tags to all featured articles
- Replace the Uncyclopedia logo up in the left-hand corner of every article with a Wikipedia logo
- Write blackmail on all of the admin's talk pages and leave your sig
- Put on an admin's page and say CLICK HERE or something. Or just replace the featured article's content with it
- Nominate this page does not exist for VFH
All of these are fun activities perfect for the unknown user. They will make all of the admins know your name and hate you with infinite fury. The best one to do is leave blackmail on talk pages, then you put an ICU on it. Nominating a pic for VFH and an article for VFP is hard, but definitely possible and will make you the retard of Uncyc. Blanking EVERY SINGLE PAGE would take a long, long time, but the rewards are worth it. Nominating this page does not exist for VFH is really fun, and totally banning.
The Most Super Duper Cool Trick Ever
When your user profile gets permanently banned, just make another profile and continue on your run of madness and the destruction of Uncyclopedia forever and ever, until they block your ip numbers. Still, it was fun while it lasted.
So, with your quest ending here, you should be nominated for ban, banned, or blocked by now. For further ways to get banned, blocked, etc, see the links below.