Hairless Panda

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A newborn hairless panda.

Hairless Pandas are, quite literally, hairless pandas. They were bred to kill, however. Despite this, they are loved the world-over.

The Creation Of The Hairless Panda[edit]

The hairless panda was first invented in 1807 by the Russian scientist Votkin Harklowe. It was designed to be a soviet weapon, which was to be used to take out China in the upcoming War of 1812. Fortunately, the hairless panda developed free thought, and thus artificial intelligence was created. Harklowe could not celebrate this accomplishment however, due to being instantly killed by the hairless panda. The pandas then proceeded to take control of Russia's neighboring countries, including Iran and the Czech Republic. They were subsequently frozen with Walt Disney and briefly taken out of commission.

History of Hairless Pandas[edit]

Since the hairless panda was created to be indestructible, nobody has been able to defeat it in combat (except Chuck Norris). It's laser-beam eyes and constant emission of toxic fumes make it literally unapproachable. The hairless panda's ability to reproduce asexually has since made it the single most populate species on the planet. From producing asexually, there was an occasional mutation that one of the hairless pandas would not have a tail. This spawned the tail or no tail debate on hairless pandas, which was about whether pandas with tails are more powerful than their genetically mutated comrades. The tail or no tail debate of hairless pandas is one of the largest debates between many scientists today, and will continue to ravage society for years to come.

Hairless Panda Experts[edit]

One of the biggest hairless panda experts, Roger Farbert, claims to have been raised by a pack of hairless pandas after his mother and father were mauled while trekking through the dangerous and unpredictable terrain of Kansas. From then the attacker proceeded to take Farbert as it's son and during this time, the to-be scientist learned a lot about hairless panda society. Farbert had then revealed what many others have failed to unveil about the lifestyles of the hairless pandas: hairless pandas are very sophisticated creatures. They never eat or sleep, and spend most of their time playing bad mitten with small woodland animals, such as woodchucks and unicorns. There are many other experts, but Farbert is said to be the most important figure in this matter.

The Future Of Hairless Pandas[edit]

Nobody quite knows what will happen to the hairless panda species in the future. Although some claim they will one day emerge and make peace with man, others claim they will soon take over the world and other neighboring worlds such as Mars and Krypton. Even others suggest that the hairless panda has been extinct for years, despite numerous sightings. These people are generally laughed at in the hairless panda community. Despite the stupidity surrounding the existence of hairless pandas, the world knows they exist.