Funkistan
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Location[edit]
Funkistan is located to the north of Afghanistan and Pakistan and is a very small country indeed. This is because there is not much funk to make a nation out of in the whole Asian plateau. Its location is based on funky tribal movement that steamed from funk the funk and "cool and the gang", however they have settled in an area known for its funky smells resembling feet.
Political Structure[edit]
Funkistan is lead by Abrahim the Flatulent, Grand High Mullah of Funk, and his two Legislative Councils. Little is known about this reclusive leader, so for now we will concentrate upon these two Councils.
The Greater Legislative Council[edit]
Ideas for "Laws of Funkiness" are passed down by their glorious leader to the Lower Legislative Council where they are bandied around a bit before being passed up here to the Greater Legislative Council. Once that occurs they drink goats milk mixed with smelly feet flavorers ranging from sandals to sweaty socks.
Once here the law is torn apart viciously until it once again resembles what their Glorious Leader originally passed down to the Lesser Legislative Council. To reassure the law the great leader snots on the papers making sure his bugers stick or the law is made obsolete.
Finally it is passed back to their Glorious Leader where it is rubber-stamped into law, relatively unchanged from when it was first passed to the Lesser Legislative Council.
The Lesser Legislative Council[edit]
The Lesser Legislative Council receives new laws to work on from their Glorious Leader and then attempt to make something more workable out of them. This process involves lots of shouting down of the opposition, fisticuffs, chemical, biological and nuclear warfare, swearing, bribing the opposition, killing the opposition, sodomy, blackmail, sodomy then blackmail, blackmail then sodomy, and finally, giving up in disgust and passing it up to the Greater Legislative Council.
The Secret Legislative Council[edit]
It's supposed to be a secret, duh...
Funkamecca - Capitol City[edit]
Funkamecca is located smack bang in the middle of the country, and can be walked to from anywhere within Funkistan within a couple of hours at most (if by walking you mean "at a very slow strolling pace like one would take when walking to the shops on a Sunday morning just to get a packet of fags and a Sunday Sport").
It has one Mosque that is probably the most Neon-painted Mosque anywhere within the Muslim world. It is Funkistan after all, so their one decent sized Mosque might as well be the funkiest Mosque the Muslim World has ever seen (or the rest of the world, for that matter). The decoration is in the usual patterned designs of any other Mosque, but done in neon colours and with LEDs and Strobe Lights put all over it.
The rest of the city is given over to the Grand Palace of the Grand High Mullah of Funk which is Made of Glass and loads of Neon Lights to blind the Infidels and Neighbours Alike, and to the various slums and hovels of the people around it. This palace can be seen from deep space when fully lit up, and SETA are considering using it as a possible guiding beacon for any alien life forms they finally manage to contact.
Law and Order[edit]
The laws of Funkistan are very simple to understand:
- Be Funky at all times
- Do as we say or we kill you.
- Memorise the 48,000 Codices of the Law so that we don't have an excuse to kill you.
- Be Funky at all times.
At least the laws are simple, if a little draconian.
Law Enforcement is a little more complicated though.
Because of the shear weight of Codices of the Law around, not all Law Enforcement Officers can remember even a small amount of them, so the solution is to have 48 experts of law to whom all LEOs can call up if they get stuck. In 1979 the entire amount of Codices were digitised, creating the foundation of the Internet. All LEOs also now have a palmtop directly wired into this database.
- This means that they don't seems to notice half of the actual crimes around them because they have their noses stuck in their palmtops and are oblivious to everything going on around them.
Certain more enterprising LEOs just stuff using their palmtops and remember only those laws which are likely to be breached and stuff the rest of them.
Emigration[edit]
Because of the generally screwed up nature of the country, emigration is at an all time high. Because of this, the leadership of Funkistan keep everyone in abject poverty so that they cannot afford to emigrate, hoping that this move would stem the tide of emigration. They have also legalised all drugs for recreational use. If the populace are kept stoned and off their trollies then they won't have the energy or inclination to attempt to emigrate. An unfortunate side product of this policy is to attract every single hippy, stoner, and American Army Deserter to Funkistan.
This mean that the ex-patriot community in Funkistan is made up of the mentally ill, the paranoid, and errant US Army personnel with PTSD and an Army Arrest Warrant on their asses.
At least Funkistan can actually claim to be the Funkiest country in the world, as the parties never end. Literally. Funkamecca is now the site of the world's largest 24 hour party ever.