Franz Liszt

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Copy of a photo by some New York sketch artist. Notice the subtle way he emphasizes the hand.

“I'm better than everyone and you know it!”

~ Liszt, when asked about competition from Frederick Chopin

Franz Liszt (October 22, 1811 – some other time...ish), was a Hungarian pianist and composer who rose to become the most famous lesbian prior to Margaret Thatcher. Like Rachmaninoff, he wrote music for the piano that is considered unplayable. Unlike Rachmaninoff, however, he could actually play everything that he wrote. In 1828 he set a new Land-speed record with a performance of his Fast Tune in F minor.


Liszt was born in a generic Eastern European country in 1811. He started learning piano at a young age, and gave his performance at Wembley Stadium at the age of 5. Demand for tickets was so high that... lots of people bought tickets. After studying with Carl Czerny the Jackal, a Venezuelan Assassin, Liszt was ready to enter the Sacred Order of Ninja Pianists. He entered.

He entered again.

Between the years 1830-ish and 1838-ish Liszt undertook a massive tour of Europe, playing over 7-ish concerts in that shortish time. In 1839-ish he settled in Chernobyl. Then he died; which was sad.


When away from piano playing, Liszt was also a keen violinist, flautist, trombonist, oboeist, French Hornist, clarinetist, saxophonist, hentai artist, recorderist, triangle-ist, bassoonist, trumpeteer, musketeer and scatophile. The latter of these may not be strictly true, but there are voluminous written accounts (by Liszt himself) of his morning shit inspections.

He was also a vaguely good football player signing for the moderately crap and over-confident Manchester United, this proved to be a bad move, not only because such a team had not been created, but also because he was no longer allowed inside his beloved city of Liverpool.

Second Death[edit]

Liszt in his dormant years.

After dying from cholera/gunshot wound, Liszt was reincarnated in Siberia, where he became known as Rachmaninoff. He has since reincarnated many times: The Most Interesting Man in the World, Art Tatum, Paul Bunyan and Chuck Norris are all fragments of the same being known collectively as Franz Liszt. His atonality was considered brilliant until it became extreme when he reincarnated as Sorabji. Being Chuck Norris explains the number of reincarnations, as well as the extreme technical ability.

Liszt in Popular Culture[edit]

  • Liszt starred in the role of Tom, in a Tom and Jerry cartoon depicting a performance of Pierre Boulez's Hungarian Rhapsody no. 2.
  • Liszt also starred as Rachel Green in the American sitcom Friends.
  • Liszt is the Dalai Lama
  • Liszt is the 8th member of progressive metal band S Club 7.
  • Liszt is immortalized in the Nursery Rhyme Humpty Dumpty

See also[edit]