Forum:NONE OF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

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THAT IS RIGHT. None of you have any sense of humor whatsoever. Not even one of you. Now, probably you're thinking

• "Oh, I'm the exception! I have a sense of humor! Ergo, I prove the rule. I am the exception that proves the rule. QED."

To which I say: No. No, you are wrong. Here is why.

1. I am unable to find anything funny unless it contains many many words. What is it with you assholes and extraneous words? It seems that half of you think the funniest incarnation of the chicken joke is "Why, for example, did the lustrous chicken, who is a chicken, take steps to traverse the road, walking across the road as he did so, and what was the meaning of this traverse? To reiterate: why, for example, did the lustrous chicken, who is a chicken, take steps to traverse the road, walking across the road as he did so, and what was the meaning of this traverse?" The sentence I just typed would be eight thousand percent more likely to be met with approval than the simple and classic incarnation of the chicken joke. And why? BECAUSE YOU ASSHOLE HAVE NO IDEA THAT THE SOUL OF WIT IS BREVITY. That's right. None of you could find your ass if you were given a stethoscope and a pair of pliers.
2. I don't think racism and homosexuality are funny!! It's true: all y'all are brainwashed by leftist Marxist socialist communist hippies. See, someone goes and writes a story about how he murdered your whole family and you're all like "LOL LOL LOL FEATURE!!" But if that story had been about how he murdered a black guy's family, you'd be all like "hey racism isn't cool" or "hey homophobia isn't cool" or "why does every article have to feature a gay guy?" And then you'd be totally losing sight of everything because the article was in fact about a black man. Not a gay man. Fucking morons. And then you'd put it on QVFD. Same exact fucking article, no less tasteless, except it had the word "black" in it. Or "porch."
3. I only find things funny when they have a 275px picture flush against the right margin." Seriously, put that picture after the ToC or something and you're all like "Hey this article is so poorly done it couldn't possibly be funny." That's all it takes for you fuckers. Move the pic up, "LOLLOLLOLLOL". Move the pic down, "Meh." Move it back up, "LOLLOLLOLLOL". Move it back down, "Huh, I can't remember why I thought this was funny." Imbeciles. I'm convinced that the literacy rate at Uncyclopedia is around 55%. Are you in that 55%? The answer is no.
4. I HATE THE FIRST PERSON! Waaaaah. 8jtnnm. If the pronoun "I" is in an article, you can't find it funny. If the pronoun "you" is in an article, you can't find it funny. If the pronouns "we" or "your" or "our" or "my" are in the article, it's "meh meh meh meh pretty stupid." Oh, but modulate "your" into "thine" and you're all like HA HA HA HA IT'S SO FUCKING LITERARY despite the fact that "thine" is singular and "your" is plural. But you wouldn't be expected to know that, right? Because you're laughing at your own fucking faux-literariness. Too busy to actually become literate.
5. I laugh at your joke because I understand the reference." Seriously. If all of you had seen Fargo, all someone would have to do is start an article called "I bet that was your partner in the wood chipper" and the text would be "Dontcha know", and you'd all be like LOLOLLOLLOL FEATURE!!! Even though there's no trace of humor there, you vote based on the fact that you're in the loop. And then we see a myriad of VFH like For. I'm in the loop. Against. I'm not in the loop. Abstain. I'm not in the loop but it would be cool if I was.
6. I have no namespace prejudice except if someone wrote a shitty Foot, it would be worth eight thousand reasonably good Why?:Am I writing about feet? Like in a six thousand word article, the eight-word title will torpedo the whole goddamn thing because it starts with "Why?" and everyone thinks "Why?" is stupid and whoever came up with it should be shot. Sure you don't have any namespace prejudice.
7. I like incredibly shitty crap. And then there are those of you who try to be "different" by promoting the most dumbass crap ever written. News flash: there is absolutely nothing funny about Euroipods, and there is even less funny about its talk page. There's nothing funny about "penis penis penis penis penis penis penis" or "this page contains nothing but a dot" or "LOOK IT'S THE FUCKING LETTER A".
8. "My taste is better than that guy's taste" And then on top of that, people come here and whore their taste like it was a /b/ camgirl's tits. Well, guess what: we don't want to look at either. We don't want to look at your taste, and we don't want to look at your tits. I mean, if you were a female version of you, we wouldn't. Because you're fucking gross enough without bags of fat hanging off your chest. So anyway, people are like "What? Seven people voted to delete this? Then it must be the FUCKING BALLS." Or they succumb to groupthink. Either way there are no fucking individual appraisals of articles. The only people who do that are the IPs. Which brings me to my next point:
9. You're not logged in, you must be an asshole. Revert! VFD! QVFD! Comma splice! All because the person didn't call themselves something fucking ridiculous, like "ZombieGuyLuvsDolphins," before typing. Think you could do any better? Of course you do. But you're wrong.
10. I understand nothing at all because I'm from Great Britain. Seriously. You assholes actually take pride in the fact that you live on a shitty little island in the center of what used to be an empire and is now a shitty little deforested island. Do us all a favor and move to France. At least they have fucking orthidonture there.

I could go on, but what's the point? None of you have any sense of humor at all. Especially you. You're a douchebag. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Inebriated (talk • contribs)

In answer to your diatribe, nobody cares. Please visit again soon. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

You seem to be something of a "Cheese eatin surrender monkey".../Sycamore fetchs pliers to lift the ass scab— Sir Sycamore (talk) 08:54, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Meh. Needs pics. --UU - natter 08:55, Aug 12

Pictures of monkeys that is. If you want this featured dude, you need more pictures of monkeys. MrN  Fork you! 10:19, Aug 12

In lieu of monkeys, you at least need to mention me or An Ape That Only Exists On Thursdays, as we're the local ape residents here. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:30, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

tl;dr: which makes sense given your first point. Also, I think you forgot "humour". Its like "colour", but funnier. -- Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 09:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

IS THIS SOME KIND OF FUCKING JOKE?! -- =Hex= TALK: WORKSHOP: CONTRIBUTIONS: 09:40, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

DooNT JoaK Im taking him up on this and so are you, yes you yo fat nigger homo goatsefu- did someone say goatse? Well now its time for a high resolution picture of goatse in ASCII >>(-+0 and my taste is better than that guy's taste, thine taste is utter shite cos I did you're mom. lololol I maed a yucky doody - the video Why for example does thine shit flow free, and be free I refer to the act of freedom? Oh shit that drawing isn't quite level... --218.215.19.53 16:28, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Glad to have you on board too! Sorry we couldn't make our encyclopedia more like the ED you know and love, but it's for your own good. » DJ "Reaper of Fail" Gentoo, now with wit, sarcasm, and even more obscure folk metal. Now in lime green! 16:21, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

"I want attention. Give me attention. You all suck. Things you do suck. I am right. I know better because I write great articles like User:Inebriated/Tits_or_GTFO, but they will never be featured because they are too clever for you pitiful morons to understand. You should change everything about the site, because I am the only one who can see that it sucks. I am special. You are all assholes. Please take me seriously. My mother never breastfed me." -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 09:45, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

tl;dr. - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 15:52, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

I have been in agreement with many of User:Inebriated's points all along. However, my approach has always been to be proactive and try to make things better. Ranting about how much things suck is worse than useless; it's counterproductive. Far better to be proactive; cut out some of the extraneous words; add more humor; be active in VFD; report to Ban Patrol. Writing a long rant about how much things sucks just puts people on the defensive, makes you seem like a dick and lowers morale. --Sir gwax (talk) 16:31, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Lowers morale? Dude, this is the funniest forum in ages--it's been forever since I've been able to put something new in UN:W. If anything, Inebriated just made our activity skyrocket. In fact.... Dear IPs and noobs: If you hate this website, please make a giant rant about it and include as many spelling errors as possible, so we can immortalize you in UN:W. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:46, Aug 13

However I am the exception, so suck my balls, and I take offense to the use of my Username without consulting me first. I will see you in court. --_{Mgr. Sir} ZombieGuyLuvsDolphins^☭ 02:52, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

This is freaking comedy gold.

Why isn't this a mainspace page? A brilliant satire on Uncyclopedia and the typical Uncyclopedian - Inebriated is my new favourite user. -- Hindleyite Converse 10:14, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Based on an earlier and more user friendly model. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

He (/she /it) does not write well. The prose needs work, serious work. ----OEJ 01:53, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Feature?

FEATURE! - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 16:18, Aug 12

AAAAAAA! » DJ "Reaper of Fail" Gentoo, now with wit, sarcasm, and even more obscure folk metal. Now in lime green! 16:21, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Also, it's likely Inebriated is the same person as the guy who left me a wonderful message [[Talk:UnBooks:Beep|here]]. - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 16:23, Aug 12

I agree, FEATURE! - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 16:23, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Feature! If Inebriated is a man, I may just have to go gay. *swoon* Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 16:23, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Against. Blatant ripoff of UN:W. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:25, Aug 12

Feature. Best of Inebriated's works to date. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:25, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Feature. He almost sounds serious! Chocolate Rain 00:09, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Someone add this

to Uncyclopedia is the worst? It's pretty funny, after all. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:25, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

I'm too lazy to. :( - Admiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate 16:26, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Me too. We all are, in fact. It's the thing that unites us. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 16:37, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

I will, here... --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:43, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Or not, someone beat me to the punch. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 16:44, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Go me! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:01, Aug 12

OMG OMG OMG, Inebriated was referencing UnNews:Your family died in statement #2! WHEE! I MATTER!   Le Cejak • <17:00, 12 Aug 2008>

No, you don't. You are not worthy to lick the boots of the person who started this forum. » DJ "Reaper of Fail" Gentoo, now with wit, sarcasm, and even more obscure folk metal. Now in lime green! 17:28, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

EVERYONE OF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

I am disgusted, quite frankly.--Nytrospawn 20:16, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

FU Nytrospawn. I've never had a sense of humor, and thus have been the essential straight man for all the shenanigans around here to be properly hilarious, per my deal with the devil.--<<>> 22:04, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

What did you get out of the deal? Wavy hair? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:55, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

Yeah... glorious, luxurious, greasy wavy hair.--<<>> 23:06, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

A response

1. Brevity
2. You Are Gay
3. UnNews:Wikia's new "Style" causes uproar
4. Me
5. Infinite loop
6. Why?:Won't you shut up?
7. Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit
8. Mr winkler is GAY
9. 127.0.0.1
10. UnBooks:Johnny Foreigner's Guide to British Humour

I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say, but I'm not sure I know what you're trying to say, either. So fair is fair. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • SU&W) 00:19 Aug 13, 2008

I don't know what he's trying to say, either. tl:dr. Gnah! is gay. A cowardly gay boar. Oh yeah, AND a bore! — Mgr. Nacky (talk) 13:06, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Might I add: 11. Niggerlodeon. I do agree that the policy about stubs/short articles sometimes unfairly targets authors whose articles are small but who know how to use them. So I'll grant you that and even consider that you might have another valid point somewhere in that incoherent rant, Inebriated. But I should remind you that a broken clock is right twice a day and a lot less annoying. --Naughtius Maximus F@H Woof! MeowMUN 20:21, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Wake up and pull your heads out of your assholes

OK I love Uncyc, you all know that. But even Mama has to yell at brutally beat her brood with a spatula every once in a while, so listen up.

This guy has made several valid points, but just because his opinion defers from the majority, you dismiss it like it's nothing. I don't appreciate that. He conveyed in it a very intelligent and organized way, not like some forumshitting IP, so fucking deal with it. Yeah, it's a dissenting opinion. But guess what? Fucking linking to nobody cares is NOT a valid argument. You know I love you, but you all have your dicky moments. And I have my bitchy moments. So shut the fuck up. And go get mommy's special juice. Heck no techno|talk 02:24, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Trouble is... He did not offer any useful suggestions. Think about it... MrN  Fork you! 02:29, Aug 13

I thought it was funny. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:32, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

I thought it was funny too. (I'm trying for that whole brevity thing). --UU - natter 07:17, Aug 13

Mr9k is right. It may well be a reasonable criticism, but it is in now way productive! Perhaps the author could come up with solutions, and put them in a similar, well-formatted, blatantly offensive forum? -- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 02:35, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

He created a forum to tell us he thinks we suck, and why. How interesting and original. If you or he has a suggestion for the betterment of the wiki, I'd be glad to hear it. Otherwise, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that nobody cares. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:38, Aug 13

"Productive"? "Betterment"? Why are these words being used here? Has the world gone crazy? Don't you people realize that Uncyclopedia is the worst?! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

And how! Heck no techno|talk 02:47, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, how? Is it, like, a trick? Or...maybe the magic is real! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:53, Aug 13

Attn: Uncyclopedia. Re: What I think of your bullshit little jokes. Body: Give me twofer. I need twofer, so I can get to stompin in my Air Force Ones. Big Boy, stompin in my Air Force Ones. (The last person that touched them, I went and shot them.) Heck no techno|talk 03:06, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Nelly lyrics? Seriously, our standards are higher than that. You're making us look bad in front of the other wikis. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:10, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Attn: Modusoperandi. Re: Your fucking standards. Body: I go for mine. I got to shine. Now throw yo hands up in the sky. I'mma get on this TV mama. I'mma. I'mma push it down. Hey hey hey hey hey hey I'm good. These lyrics are so much fucking better than Nelly! Wow no wonder Kanye is such a condescending asshole. Heck no techno|talk 03:57, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Have you considered..."Joy, beautiful spark of the gods, Daughter of Elysium, We enter fire imbibed, Heavenly, thy sanctuary." B-Tovin's Ode-2-Joi kicks it old school. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:15, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

I'm going to be honest guys, my head is stuck in my asshole... - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 03:11, Aug 13

I'm going to be honest, UnIdiot, that's not your asshole. Don't shake your head! Would I lie about such a thing? Don't nod your head! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:32, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

Damn it, it's hard to breathe in here Modus! - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 03:41, Aug 13

Me is havin words to be sharin with you. Yeah, you, Hecknotechno, and you, Inebriated.

Chill pill. And a half. --Velosi-T 03:21, 14 August 2008 (UTC)

OH FUCK ME!

This guy is right. Holy shit! What are we going to do? OH MY FUCKING GOD! Somebody do something before we all collapse under a giant spiral of our own suckiness!

Just fucking...oh my god. OH MY GOD WE SUCK. I'm realizing this now. We really really really fucking suck! WE SUCK man! Do you understand what I'm saying? This guy is right! WE SUCK! WE SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Hard.

I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight. I might have to start drinking again, and taking valium, and cutting. Frankly, I'll be honest here. I'm in a bit of an existential crisis now. I mean, I was seriously drawing meaning in my life from this, and now that I know that we all suck and have no sense of humor whatsoever, well man, it feels like my ego is collapsing.

I MEAN DEAR GOD! We really SUCK! Have you noticed that yet? I have. This guy has really opened my eyes. I mean look at us. We're pathetic really. We're like the Rodney Dangerfield of Wikias. Fucking fuck man. Fucking, fuckity fuck. We suck.

Seriously.

What were we thinking?

All this time we were thinking we were funny, and now...

Now it's just disillusionment.

I have ten good reasons why we suck:

1. We just do.

2. I suck too much to think of anything else.

I would also like to add that I also suck at guitar hero. So there's a depressing thought for today. Still, that's a distraction. Point is we suck worse than a vampire with a dick in its mouth. This is just fucking depressing. Don't talk to me. I'm just going to go sulk. I just wish I knew I was wasting my time here. I thought writing on here was a good start on my road to becoming the president of the world, but now I know that this a dead end and that I suck.

I mean, this guy knows what he's saying. Listen to what he's saying:

"None of you could find your ass if you were given a stethoscope and a pair of pliers." So true. In fact, I don't even know what a stethoscope is. Or an ass.

"I'm convinced that the literacy rate at Uncyclopedia is around 55%. Are you in that 55%? The answer is no." I couldn't understand what he rote wright there, but I'm shure it's true two.

"#I like incredibly shitty crap. And then there are those of you who try to be "different" by promoting the most dumbass crap ever written. News flash: there is absolutely nothing funny about Euroipods, and there is even less funny about its talk page. There's nothing funny about "penis penis penis penis penis penis penis" or "this page contains nothing but a dot" or "LOOK IT'S THE FUCKING LETTER A"."

Oh. My. God. So guilty. So guilty I just want to help reiterate:

There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about PENIS penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis PENIS penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis PENIS penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis PENIS penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis PENIS penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis PENIS. There really is nothing funny about PENIS penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis PENIS penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis PENIS penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis PENIS penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis PENIS penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis PENIS. There really is nothing funny about PENIS penis penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis PENIS penis penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis PENIS penis penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis PENIS penis penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis PENIS penis. There really is nothing funny about penis penis penis penis penis PENIS.

That should help argue your point. Of course, you make it better than stupid, old, unfunny me.

"So anyway, people are like "What? Seven people voted to delete this? Then it must be the FUCKING BALLS." Or they succumb to groupthink. Either way there are no fucking individual appraisals of articles. The only people who do that are the IPs."

I know exactly where you are coming from. I wrote an article about this book I read called "the three little pigs." It was about some cops who built houses or something. I don't know exactly. That book needed to be more direct. Point is, "they" deleted my article with a single-lined comment: "Only content was: I fucked my sister in the ass and my sperm came out the other end somehow." Why did they delete that? I'm really perplexed. I spent five whole days writing that and they just deleted it because THEY had a poor sense of humor. Screw them! Also, just to clarify everything with you guys, I really did fuck my sister in the ass. BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. THE IMPORTANT PART IS THAT WE SUCK AND WE SHOULD KNOW IT!

Oh God we suck. Where did we go wrong? It doesn't matter. I just, fuck it. I'm done man. We suck so much I quit. This shit depresses me. It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 17:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

I didn't read any of that. I just saw "Oh Fuck Me" and I have to tell you, I know what you're saying and no, I will not have sex with you. Sorry. Heck no techno|talk 18:32, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

Mrthejazz, you make me laugh. Very good. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 21:02, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

HATE HATE HAT!

Is this the same guy who writes those stupid "Feet King!" jokes on the Thailand article? The very same one whom applied for the KKK and got rejected because he was from India? It sure sounds like him. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 11:48, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

why can inebriated not stop adding positive feet to his own thing! all it does is prove your homosexuality!

penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 92.11.223.235 (talk • contribs)

Yes but Inebriated only likes homosexual feet, not heterosexual feet. They also have to be white, not any other color, because he is a racist. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 13:08, 21 August 2008 (UTC)