Forum:"BENSON IS HERE!" 1ST ANNIVERSERY EDITION

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Today is indeed a special day for BENSONists everywhere, which they will know as the day BENSON was first banned. Ironically, it also concludes Ouroborists' peace week (I think. It would be cool I guess). So I ask even AbensonISTS such as myself and other religions shall take a moment to shelf their misplaced anger at BENSON and join in the joyous revelry of

BENSON IS HERE! 1ST ANNIVERSERY!!

BENSON'S GREATNESS IS SIMILAR TO SAMUEL L. JACKSON'S.

BENSON IS HERE! BENSON IS FAR SUPERIOR TO YOU! BENSON TYPES IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE BENSON SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS! ONE DAY BENSON WILL KILL YOU ALL, OR PERHAPS OWN YOU! BENSON JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT HE IS HERE. Benson 00:11, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

ALSO, SOMEONE NOMINATE BENSON FOR N00B OF THE MONTH. HE DESERVES IT. Benson 00:14, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

My arse he does. He's well on the way to earning a UGOTM nom, though. Or an extended ban. Let's see where my mood takes me today. -- Sir Codeine K·H·P·B·M·N·C·U·Bu. · (Harangue) 11:53, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well, you've killed some VD fun. ;_; --User:Nintendorulez 15:44, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Hey guys, Benson is here. -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 00:22, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Ye gods, he truly is! Wow. STM, how do you know these things? --User:Nintendorulez 00:26, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

You're right! That's amazing how you knew that, STM. I think you deserve to be nominated n00b of the month for that. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 00:34, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well, at least he doesn't want to be KING OF ALL ICE CREAM, as that position is now taken. --Splaka 01:22, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Benson is here, jolly good! I must ask Benson, do you like Ownage or Pwn4g3?--Witt E, 02:29, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

It's the Anti-Christ oh and welcome to Wikipedia! --OsirisX 02:32, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON THANKS YOU! BENSON IS GLAD PUNY RULERS OF THIS LAND APROVE OF HIS RAMPENT RANTING! HE LIKES THIS LAND BETTER THEN PUNY OTHER WEBSITE WIKIPEDIA! THEY DID NOT APROVE OF BENSON'S GLORY. Benson 00:11, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well I, for one, am glad — nay, overjoyed that BENSON is here. For months now, Uncyclopedia has been rudderless, adrift in a sea of directionless chaos and shattered dreams of glory. But now, finally, BENSON stands as a shining beacon of hope amongst the shallow dross, a veritable giant among giants, a lone bastion of honesty, integrity, and courage, boldly leading the downtrodden and oppressed out of their self-imposed darkness and into the glittering, hallowed halls of freedom and enlightenment. As long as BENSON is here, never again must we submit to the iniquities of the unfeeling evildoers who would suppress our creativity, silence our voices, and stamp out our yearning for truth. Yes, wherever decent, caring people are forced to suffer the stifling yoke of the humorless and emotionally bankrupt purveyors of mediocrity and disempowerment, wherever those seeking a better life for themselves and their children and their children's children and their children's children's nannies are made to give up their dreams in the face of bitterness and disillusionment, BENSON is there — to smash the forces of mediocrity, stupidity, and fear; to smash those who would callously take from us our rights, our purpose, our very existence; indeed, to smash the very darkness itself! Yes, BENSON is, finally, here — always and forever, an unfailing, ever-burning, eternal flame of retribution against injustice... May you never doubt the truth of these words, not even for a moment, and let nothing deter you or dissuade you from following the path of righteousness, the path of greatness: the path of BENSON! Vive la BENSON! c • > • cun w a p q u c ? 05:51, 6 June 2006 (UTC) By the way, it's spelled "rampant."

I can't believe I read the whole thing. --User:Nintendorulez 11:47, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

OK, now is the gov'nor here? --Carlb 06:10, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

[1] --Splaka 06:15, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

O, great BENSON. I'm pretty confused. At the Holy shrine of BENSON where you predict us puny entities being Pwn3d by you and where that damb poop has gone you claim to dispise Santa's presents. Now are those the presents he gives you, or possibly the close proximity to your person ? -- Vosnul 06:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Stop this nonsense now, BENSON, and get back to sorting out the governer's sock drawer. --Sir Hardwick Fundlebuggy (Bleat) 07:40, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Great Attitude

I like this guy. He has fire. I like fire. It makes things interesting. I vote him SYSOP. ~Caputosisthe Horrible14:25, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON THANKS YOU. BENSON ALSO ENJOYS FIRE. IT IS USEFUL FOR BURNING THINGS. BENSON WOULD BE GREAT SYSOP! BENSON ENJOYS FISH. BENSON DEMANDS FISH AND THINGS THAT RHYME WITH FISH... WISH...DISH... Benson 16:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

For I'm gonna +sysop Benson. --PantsMacKenzie 15:56, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

For --User:Nintendorulez 15:45, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

For Let him have total dictatorship just for some years to clean things up, what can go wrong ? -- Vosnul 16:55, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
I vote COMMENT. --Clo r ox MUN ONS (diskussion) ☃ 16:55, 6 June 2006 (UTC)
Hm...and with Tompkins out of commission there's an empty admin slot to fill... —rc (t) 16:56, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Well obviously he was a little to heavy handed with the ban button, and I'd know, two week ban for adding the lines "In bed" to about four sentances in the super bowl page ^_^ Rivselis 17:23, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Against ZOMBIEBARON ZOMBIEBARON ZOMBIEBARON IS ALL CAPS. --Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 17:27, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

For making him bureaucrat if he makes me a sysop. Oh, and for things that rhyme with fish:

Bish

Dish

Ish

Pish

Shish

Squish

Swish

Trish

Whish

Wish

~ Ghelæ ^talk_contribs 17:28, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Change vote to same. --User:Nintendorulez 18:51, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

For BENSON VOTES FOR HIMSELF. BENSON LIKES HIMSELF. HIMSELF IS BETTER THAN YOU. Benson 17:30, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BUT AT LEAST I CAN USE PROPER GRAMMAR. ~ GHELÆ^TALK_CONTRIBS 17:35, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

You can ?? . than i canneth two. --Vosnul 17:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Only for if he votes for me, I do nothing over here, but I still deserve to be an admin. - - Sir Real Hamster {la} {talk} {contribs} 18:03, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

comment Vote for sysop is disabled Uncyclopedia:VFS, so I don't think this has standing. Unless it's of course a joke again and I'm missing the whole point as usual. --Hrodulf 18:38, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

You are missing the point: BENSON IS HERE.--Rataube 18:42, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

Exactly. BENSON is the most powerful human being alive on theis planet, except perhaps Chronarion. Anybody more powerful cannot be human. ~ Ghelæ ^talk_contribs 18:44, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

EXACTLY, PUNY THING. BENSON IS THE BEST. VOTE BENSON FOR SOMETHING. Benson 18:46, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

This has me rotflmao. You can't make this stuff up. --Hrodulf 18:48, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

ALL OF A SUDDEN MY CAPS LOCK GOT STUCK, IS THIS BECAUSE IT'S 6 6 6 OR BECAUSE BENSON IS HERE ???????? -- Vosnul 19:00, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I vote BENSON for improving my day immeasurably. Nom and for --Hrodulf 19:20, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

GOOD. EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN... KEEP UP THE VOTES FOR BENSON. BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU. Benson 19:49, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

BENSON OFFICIALLY DECLARES JUNE 6 TELL SOMEONE ABOUT HIS GREATNESS DAY. CONVERT MORE PUNY MONKEYS TO BENSONISM! Benson 19:57, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I Vote AGAINST BENSONISM, It's the opium for the mooses. Dispite that I vote BENSON for anything anytime soon. -- Vosnul 20:07, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

ANYONE WITH ANY MORE BENSON RELATED ARTWORK IS TO POST IT ON BENSON'S TALK PAGE. Benson 20:30, 6 June 2006 (UTC)

I completely ignore BENSON and self nom myself, vote for me!--Witt E, 01:59, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Vote for Stewardship. We seem to enjoy this crass self-nomination, safe in the knowledge that BENSON is here and with him as a bureaucrat, all is well - Nay! I shout, to inform you all that this would all be for no good, to appoint BENSON as a bureaucrat would do nothing for a ministerial / corporate reshuffle - If you truly believe, my fellow bretheren, that the time has come to rise up against our oppressors, then this is the man who you should be appointing, as the Diplomatic Representive for Uncyclopedia in the Senate of Wikia, who will be, as supreme overlord, able to appoint a new generation of Sysops, breathe life into the dead body of our wiki - the time has come upon us, to do what is right, and what is important, pragmatic and for the best, then you will join us in our struggle - let nothing stay your hands, and go forwards, into the light.

I think I've exorcised the spirit of Communism from my body now. --The Rt. Hon. BarryC MUN (Symposium!) Sigh. Double Sigh. 20:00, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

It Ends

It seems that BENSON has been stopped (finnally) with a one day ban from Famine. Good job Famine! --Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 02:01, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

VOTE FOR BENSON

Vote for BENSON HERE: Featured Article Candidates and here VFH --ENeGMA 17:50, 8 June 2006 (UTC) just who the fuck is this guy. i go away for a while and some mysterious guy enters into life.-- Sir Severian (Sprich mit mir!) 10:37, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

He is BENSON , Why do you ask ?. BENSON is probably happy for you that some mysterious guy entered into your life because thats the kinda guy BENSON is. --Vosnul 10:51, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

Except that he's better than you. Crazyswordsma n...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 14:17, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

Much.--Vosnul 19:47, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

What ever happened to BENSON anyway? Did he just get up and leave us? Or was he banned? I sure hope he wasn't banned. Crazyswordsma n...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 23:03, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

Benson is cool. I wish I had been a user back when he first entered. It would've been cool to see him grow. User:Wehpudicabok/sig 16:28, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

Or Does it?

The trip to the doughnut shop was a lot of fun, until someone with cheap digital camera saw us and called the cops. Luckily, we were able to shoot our way out of there using our hand-held death-ray guns, but not before the evidence made it into the July, 2006 issue of GQ, where we were both cited for "blatant evening-wear violations." The case is still pending in the 12th District Court, but our lawyers are telling us the situation is "not good."

BENSON may be banned for a day, a week, even a year - but the impact of what has occurred here clearly transcends the mundane reality of everyday bannage. What I think we have to do now is step back for a moment, and try to get some perspective on how these events have changed our lives - indeed, changed the world. Not since the invention of the glazed doughnut has such a completely revolutionary movement in the cultural landscape taken place, and the ramifications - political, economic, social, and psychological - could be more extensive than any of us are currently capable of imagining. One might easily envision a near-complete reversal of practically all modern trends in the development of worldwide class-structure hierarchies and the international exchange of ideas and commerce, as well as the rise of new quasi-religious movements and moral-ethical philosophies, almost like a new meta-reality, sweeping away the old reality like so much worthless dust. As Neitzche so aptly put it, "Who ever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity"... We must therefore simply accept that we cannot, no matter how hard we try, truly appreciate and understand the ineffable and monumental consequences of the arrival of a figure such as BENSON on the scene, any more than we can understand why the world exists or what our purpose within it truly is. Our role, then, is to merely be the audience, mute spectators to an event whose magnitude may not be fully appreciated for generations, if it is ever fully appreciated. At least that's what I'm gonna do, at least... I'm headed out for some doughnuts right now, actually. Anybody want to come with? c • > • cun w a p q u c ? 02:36, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

Sure, what the heck. I'm all for doughnuts. —Hinoa KUN (talk) 02:42, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

I have enough money to get at least two custard-filled douhgnuts. I'll come.--Witt E, 04:12, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

6/6/6 + BENSON + Going for donuts with Some User I've never met before in real life = priceless.--<<

>> 05:05, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

^^^^^ Quick somone make a potochop of what Brad said an nom it for VFP!!! ITS COMEDIC GOLD!!! --Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 19:29, 7 June 2006 (UTC)

A potochop? Don't you mean a potato chip? I thought we were going out for doughnuts... Anyway, no matter - but I am curious about this. Have any of you met any other Uncyclopedians in real life? Actually, is there anyone here (other than WP big-shots like David Gerard and Mindspillage, who presumably go to WP "meetups" on a regular basis) who's met other Uncyclopedians in person who didn't already know them beforehand?

I have relatively little to hide at this point other than maybe my social security number, so if anyone here happens to be passing through Des Moines, Iowa and is looking for someone really boring and tedious to have lunch with, and you're over 18 years of age, by all means just send me an e-mail from my user page. My treat, even! (Within reason, of course. And no cameras.) I'm booked up for tomorrow and Sunday, but the rest of the year is probably workable. c • > • cun w a p q u c ? 02:51, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

I got sidetracked after the part about doughnuts. Can anyone summarize it, leaving out the doughnuts? Because I really want to know what it said. Sir Famine , Gun ♣ Petition » 20:41, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

Perhaps it would be better explained in article form? c • > • cun w a p q u c ? 20:52, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

IT DOES NOT, BOOOOYYYYYYY!!!!!

Benson never dies for he is ageless and a god! Also, he is made of metal...magic metal...not the cheap kind. Also, Benson wants to remind you all to eat your Veggies or die. Benson 17:19, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

Isn't that essentially what I've been saying all along? c • > • cun w a p q u c ? 17:19, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

Of course it is. But now Benson has said it! Benson 18:14, 8 June 2006 (UTC)

External links

Benson's Wikipedia entry!

I CANT F*CKING READ WHATS GOING ON

anger2headshot 03:48, 11 June 2007 (UTC) OK?!?!

Don't you see?!? You don't need to read it to see BENSON's glory! But if it disturbs you you always have the original on the flip-side. Mr. Briggs Inc. 12:21, 11 June 2007 (UTC) Eh?