Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 5

December 5: Day of Unusual Spam, International Tapeworm Awareness Day (TWAD)

• In the Beginning - God created the universe at a 25% deal.
• 666 - Shiva tells the people of India that they will die if they do not enlarge their manhood and reproduce, thus becoming one of the largest populations. Vishnu and Brahma get a cheap thrill out of watching the sex.
• 785 - King Arthur's vision of the Holy Grail is accompanied by the words "Grail! This can be yours FREE!"
• 999 - Amid predictions of the Apocalypse, European peasants receive anonymous notes offering "hot deals on ultra-sexy self-flagellation gear."
• 1791 - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart chokes on his dentures during a live performance. Antonio Salieri frantically tries to dislodge them from Mozart's throat using his clarinet but only succeeds in driving them in further. Mozart dies as a result. "I feel awful" Salieri is quoted as saying.
• 1793 - Joseph Marie Jacquard is taught weaving by a super-intelligent tapeworm named Steve.
• 1939 - Adolf Hitler's letter to Neville Chamberlain is headed, "PEACE NOW!! 25% off!!"
• 1983 - Andre the Giant beats The Green Giant, and wins a lifetime supply of Spam.
• 1984 - Feed The Welsh, Elasto-Pops charity single, is released.
• 1987 - Oh crap, I have a math test today...
• 1994 - Beans are ratified by the US Congress as both a magical fruit and as something that grows large beanstalks.
• 2003 - Bush declares war on spam after receiving excessive unbiblical porn in his inbox.
• 2005 - Websites everywhere become littered with "Get Firefox" buttons.
• 2006 - Do you know everything has subliminal messages? EAT POPCORN!