Culture of Malaysia
This is because there is no word for "parody" in Malay.
Avoid falling into the trap of heart!
- DISCLAIMER: Uncyclopedia is not responsible for the detention of any people who read this article under the ISA execpt Datuk Ahmad Ismail.
The national culture of Malaysia is Food. National Holidays include the Rice Festival, the Cake Festival, the Noodle Festival, Moon Cake Festival and the Food Festival. Malaysians completely WORSHIP food. They pray to their food. They can drive 35465464 miles for the best food. And when they feel guilty, they will visit Fitness First to lose weight, so that they can eat more food. Fitness First members like to flex around and do ridiculous exercise all over the place even they are outside of Fitness First to show their semi-built up muscles. Malaysians are compelled forced to eat smatijoves at least twice a day at 11am and 11pm on the hour as a very strict tradition. Not doing so means a curse is placed on them and awful things happen to their families. Apparently. Nasi Lemak, Roti Canai and Teh Tarik makes Malaysia the second largest obese nation after the USA.
Red Tape/Protect Me Culture
Red Tape Culture (RTC) is compulsory in Malaysia due to Malays' (mostly) lack of competency in economic matters and also to 'protect them'. The Malays rely mostly on the government and all the staff in governmental departments (holding top positions) expect 'coffee money' (bribes) from non-Malays, otherwise they won't give approval to any public applications or permits. The authorities (Malay), however, think it is perfectly fine to accept coffee money and they hate anyone who mentions the words 'corruption' or 'anti-corruption'. They will label you an 'extremist' or tell you to 'Get out of this country' if you disagree. Most of the companies they run cannot survive in a free market/globalised economy (see: Proton Cars) and if you read the news, they are the ones who are constantly opposed to Free Trade Agreements (FTA) because they know with their level of incompetence, they will surely go out of business if FTAs are signed.
Non-Malays also have their way of utlising red tape. After non-Malays gathered for the NON-Malays extravaganza gatherings held in Negeri Atas Awan guling hosted by DragonBallz, they agreed that all business owners must put one mandatory specification before being enrolled as an employee in their company, be it a multi-national business conglomerate specalising in the import/export of products or a small ikan bilis Ah Long business. They must employ employees that speak Mandarin as their mothertongue. That way, the money they gain cannot be snowballed to Malays or the Kadadzan or the Minangkabau or even Indonesians.
Even if a Malay applying can speak Mandarin (having enrolled in the chinese school di atas awan guling), they are still prevented from getting the job because they are Muslim. So they made an amendment in their regulation: They must not be a Muslim believer, must eat pork, must drink liquor and ultimately, they must drop BIN or BINTI from their names.
Pop Culture
There is also a weird trend popular amongst Malaysian youth (Now believed to have spread to Malaysians from ALL walks of life) in which they will try to imitate the Western way of life, with humorous results. They will also try to live according to what they think is culture of their Western counterparts, which goes to show that they are a sad, sad bunch of pathetic try-hards. When Americans come up with Green Day, Malaysians go around singing American Idiot, acting like they know what the song is about. When Americans have America Idol, Malaysias also have Idol. Only victims of tone deafness or Michael Jackson wannabes need apply. The government has recently waged war on the Black Metal "menace". The kids just want a Hot Topic in KLCC, that's all. Most Malaysians deem white people as 'extra special' and will worship any white person 5 times a day. The only people who can make it big in the music/fashion/TV industry are those with strange heritage. Malaysian+English+Portuguese+Burmese. Like: Paula Malai Ali, Adam Carruthers, Marion Caunter. Mawi doesn't count because he is our national hero. So if you are a white person who is disliked for being a geek or a loser, just move to Malaysia and you will gain instant fame.
Arabian Culture
Another obvious weird culture is the Malays try to imitate the dress-up of Arabians, they don't want to dress Malay, they will also try to live according to what they think is Arabian culture. Sometimes the government will scold them for blindly imitating the Arab culture, sometimes they were scolded by for not imitating the Arabian dress up and cultures (Yes the government LOVE confusing us, and it's their job, because they receive our income tax for doing this).
Landfill Culture
Landfill Culture is widely practiced by Malaysian regardless of race. Only certain districts in this country are clean: KLCC, Putrajaya (the Parliment House), Kiara heights and Bangsar & Damansara heights (Big-Wigs' districts). The rest of Malaysia is full of rubbish and pollutions. Malaysians love to burn everything including the hair on their back and the kitchen sink. In Malaysia, it is compulsory to throw rubbish at roadside or into drains. If not, you will be punished in the form of a public stoning (rather severe punishment, really) and 'Dilarang Membuang Sampah' means 'You're welcome to chuck your rubbish here anyhow you like'.
Religion
Malaysia practices the basic democratic principle of freedom of religion. Freedom as in "Free to join Islam, death to the infidels". However, Muslims who finally come to their senses and commit apostasy are liable to anal rape, stoning, caning and other primitive forms of torture, often regarded as entertainment and popular tourist attractions. In 2000, a girl called Lina Joy renounced her Muslim religion in order to become a Christian. However, in Bolehland you can do anything but renounce Islam. She is now dead, thanks to all the Muslims who summoned the wrath of Allah and made the Syariah court collapse during her trial.
Malays generally embrace Islam because their Sultan did it, over 9000 years ago. Malays pray to Allah 5 times a day, asking for forgiveness in matters such as 'accidentally' eating pork, 'accidentally' drinking beer, raping their daughters, raping their mothers, raping their sisters, robbing their neighbours and 'accidentally' running over their children while rempit-ing. Malays can be clearly defined with the 3R concept- Rob, Race and Rape. Malays also practice racism, they are so racist, that they even have their own name for racism, called Ketuanan Melayu. Malays are narcissists, they believe that they are better than everyone else because they don't eat pork, cover up their heads and ride around in 100cc motorcycles.
While robbery and rape also occur in other countries, Rempitism is unique to Malaysia, having the same status as major religions. More accurately, Rempitism is a subreligion of Islam. Certain Muslims follow the sacred doctrine of Rempitism while others choose terrorism. Followers of Rempitism are known as Mat Rempits, or more commonly stupid-retarded-malay-kids. Worshippers gather late at night around (seemingly) deserted major roads and highways in the country, performing an ancient ritual of riding their 100cc motorbikes faster than the speed of light while doing seemingly impossible stunts such as having sex on the bike and steering with their asses. A scoreboard is kept by their girlfriends, known as Mat Minahs. Anyone riding into a drain, straight into an oncoming vehicle, into a tree or falls off their bike will have 100 points deducted from their score. Mat Rempits are automatically disqualified if they die and thus lose the game. Those left standing at the break of dawn are awarded 900 points.
The Chinese usually pray to their gods for money, wealth, 4D numbers and prosperity. Most Chinese colour their hair thinking that they can be like their Hong Kong or Korean idols. Some of them are Christians though, and they colour their pussies red for Easter. Dieyucks in East Malaysia are mostly Christians and worship any kind of cross. They pray at the cross-junction of major roads and cause traffic jams. Young Chinese males will follow a god called 'Lala', and females will follow a goddess called 'Ah Lian'. There is a special story behind these two deities: A long, long time ago, Lala and Ah Lian were a divine couple residing on the moon. After centuries of living on the moon with nothing to do (they enjoyed floating around, but got bored of it after a week), they happened to see how a tiny penis-shaped country called Malayshit was rapidly declining during the late 20th century. Intrigued, they floated (for the last time) down and arrived in a little town called Ipoh. They found that Ipoh was no better than the moon, and they went crazy due to their disappointing destination. Lala and Ah Lian threw their heads up and down violently, ripped their clothes apart (but since they were wearing many layers of different coloured clothing, each layer they ripped only exposed the previously covered layer), and found a Carlsberg truck, hijacked it, and drank as much of the beer as possible in order to make themselves vomit so they could choke on their puke and die. While they were doing all of this, many young Chinese who happened to be in the area observed them with awe. Instead of seeing what was truly going on, they felt that it was some kind of divine procession (well, in a sense it was), and they proceeded to imitate Lala and Ah Lian. Lala and Ah Lian died soon afterwards, because the Malay police had arrived and confiscated their life-restoring pork. Their bodies shimmered and disappeared, never to be seen again. Since then, Ipoh became known as the birthplace of Lala and Ah Lian-ism. Young Chinese folk to pay tribute to Lala and Ah Lian at every opportunity. These young folks gather at clubs and practice a move called "Feng Tao" where they bob their heads up and down. At the same time, they dress in all kinds of colorful, eye-hurting, fashionable garb and drink as much cheap beer as they can, till the point that they become sick and puke all over the place.
Indians virtually practice no religion as all of their temples have been demolished by the racist BN government. Indians are not allowed to have any official religion because they are too small a minority to make a difference in the coming election. Mr. Kerismudin told the Indians: "WHO CARES?!! YOU NOT HAPPY I REVOKE YOUR CITIZENSHIP!!!" Despite having no official religion, the Indians do have something of an important cultural tradition, which is called 'The fine art of sweet-talking'. For instance, an Indian who has a newly set up wine business will tell you "I am doing fantastic, I get wines from ALL OVER THE WORLD, and my PRICES ARE THE BEST! NO OTHER COMPANY CAN BEAT MINE!". When you ask this fellow to get you, say, some Czech wine, he will say "ABSOLUTELY! SURE! NO PROBLEM! COUNT ON ME!". What he means in fact is "I don't bloody know what or where the Cheque Republic is, and why they call themselves Cheque, but i'm going to lie to you to keep you interested in my company." So while waiting for your order of Czech wine, this fellow will come up with 1,001 amazing tales as to why he does not have your order at the moment (for example, he could say "I try to order your wine, but then, my Cheque supplier friend got attacked by the famous Cheque Bigfoot, and now he is in the ICU! So have to delay! Not my fault!"), whereas in reality, he can't get it, but in the mean time he will try to sell you some cheap, shitty wine from exotic places like Bongo-Bongo, Putaojiu Republic, and so on.
The Allah Dilemma
A threshold of stupidity never thought possible was achieved in Malaysia. The word Allah originates from Arabic, Al - The, Lah - Lie, The Lie, which Arabs call their God for lying to them about their 72 virgins after 9/11.
Catholics in East Bolehland, facing a ban from the government on printing Bibles (freedom of religion, in your face), must import Bibles from shitty Indonesia in the shitty Indonesian language, which happens to use Allah as the word for God. Apparently, Muslim Malays are confused by the same word being used in the Bible and the Quran, shaking their Muslim faith and eventually converting them to Catholicism. Since then, Catholics aren't allowed to use 'Allah' anymore, and must replace it with Flying Spaghetti Monster, Tuhan or whatever. The Catholics, unsatisfied, sought help from the almighty Pope in The Vatican and filed a court case lifting the ban on the word 'Allah'. Obviously, the judge isn't an idiot and they won. Muslims, being the typical crybaby and butt hurt from the court's decision, started firing their lasers and bombed churches. Ironically, most the bombs never went off, causing minimal damage, because Malays are like the French, they just can't get anything right. In the end, the USA invaded Malaysia, sent the Malays back to Arabland where they happily worshipped Allah and stole all the oil and gold.
Home Designer Culture
In Malaysia, the home designere culture is based on the concept of "face" and its loss. For example, a neighbour builds a new Greco-Roman balcony. The person in question responds by hiring a group of Indonesian workers to build an equally-imposing structure in their own back yards. Two huge, symmetric columns with gold, blue, light blue, light pink, light orange etc. paint, a hugh "curly-curly" automatic gate, a Japanese pond with gargantuan man-made waterfalls, a Disneyland-themed rooftop, a Louvre-style window and numerous alarms to stop the ubiquitous miscreant from vandalising the place.
Invariably, after a short while, the neighbour realises his loss of face resulting from his now-inferior back yard. He then extends and expands his Greco-Roman balcony in turn with the construction of TWO ponds, TWO waterfalls, extremely-curled golden gates and so on and so forth. While the extensive renovations are taking place, they make it a point to boast about their childrens' school results, which may or may not be total fabrications, just for good measure.
Of course, there is a tacit understanding that approval is not needed for these renovations. While it may cost RM5000-RM10000 (bribes included) to extend the back yard, kitchen etc., an approval (or lack thereof) can be resolved with a few hundred ringgit if the local officer comes knocking.
Blog culture invasion
Recently, blogs have been popping out left, right and center, and exposing the idiocy, corruption and incompetence of the government. Good examples of these independent news outlets are Malaysia Today and Malaysia Kini. In response, the government is now trying to censor the bloggers but fail because they are too stupid to realize that the internet is one of the need of Malaysians' life. Now their blog culture is becoming so wild that they are now bullying and teasing their dirty little neighbor Indonesia, just because their neighbor told them to claim their culture. More information, please find some of their neighbor's blog about teasing them back in the internet, or see claimed culture part, ok???? GOOD BOY!!! YOU SMART, PINTER!!!
DID YOU KNOW??: Thousands of these blog can make a war just because its offending each other???
Skinhead Culture
Yes, you heard me correctly. Malaysians are some of the most confused people in the world. These are kids no more than 18yrs old dressing up like they belong in the SS. They shave their heads, wear those stormtrooper boots and have swastikas tattooed on them... sounds like your average white supremacist right? yeah right... except that these kids are MALAYS. The most important component in being a skinhead is being WHITE, but the concept seem to be lost in translation. These kids they burn the Qu'ran and during Merdeka they run around KL (a few hundred of them) robbing, looting, stealing, raping, beating, sucking, fucking up the city... so much for independence. What could cause such phenomenon? Answer: Idiotic mindset among malays that can't see foreign culture. Semua mau ikut!
^^^
Hypocrisy Culture
Hypocrisy is a major aspect of Malaysian culture. If you are not a hypocrite, you are not Malaysian and will be verbally attacked (and if unlucky enough, anally raped by wild, Malay rempits) by wild, brainless locals (who are slightly better than the wild, Malay rempits), who will call you 'unpatriotic' and tell you to get the heck out of Malaysia and go back to whatever western country you love.
Interestingly enough, despite most Malaysians calling themselves 'patriots' and hating foreign influence (especially from imperialist America), many strongly embrace foreign culture and products. Malaysians love iPhones, Loius Vuitton bags, L'OReal beauty products, anime and hentai, American porn, prostitutes from other countries, and well, anything else foreign! 99.9% of the locals support foreign football teams, especially those from The Great British Empire, which is Malaysia's master, along with Japan (ironically, Malaysians seem to love the people, culture and products from their tyrannical masters; guess this shows that they like being dominated). Malaysians still bow down to white folks and kiss their asses, but when locals are gathered together they talk about patriotic ideals such as Malay power, Malaysia Boleh (can) advance by letting Chinese and Indians do all the hard work while the Malay masters relax and have tea breaks 10 times a day, and praying to Allah after raping their daughters or granddaughters so they will be forgiven.
It is quite common to see locals wearing T-shirts displaying foreign elements, such as 'London', 'Italy', 'Manchester United', 'I am kawaii Japanese wannabe', 'Metallica', 'Ferrari', and 'I love Jenna Jameson but my gov bans porn in this country'. Around Sungei Wang and Times Square, it is quite common to see locals dressed up as Nazis or 'cute' Japanese, or an astounding combination of both. Imagine someone wearing a torn, tattered Japanese punk outfit with spikes and a tie whilst donning a Nazi helmet and badge on his/ her jacket, and going around with a cute Japanese look, i.e. wide eyes and a doll-like smile, saying “Sieg Heil!" *gives Nazi salute, then "Konichiwa! Hee-hee!” *flashes V-sign
If you are Malaysian and speak English with a foreign accent, local-locals will either pretend they absolutely can't understand what you're saying (even though they watch tons of western TV series and have no problem understanding the dialogue, series such as 'Glee', 'Star Trek', 'Lost', 'How to be American', 'I Want to Bang my Neighbour', 'I Really Want to Bang my Neighbour', 'I Really, Really Want to Bang my Neighbour') or treat you with disdain, or both. Here are examples:
At an optical store:
Malaysian with a foreign accent: Won't the rubber strips on the arms of this pair of glasses disintegrate easily in this humid weather?
Store Employee: OK.
But at a computer store in Low Yat Plaza:
Malaysian with a foreign accent: Hi, i'm looking for a new laptop, preferably one that can handle the extreme graphic requirements for Modern Warfare 3. What model can you recommend?
Store employee wearing an Arsenal T-Shirt, playing with an iPhone, and listening to Lady Gaga: (Gives dirty look) DON HAF!
This is despite the store having 20 different models on display. The above instance is only one possible outcome of interacting with a local customer with a foreign accent; another is that the store employee will think to himself “Wah, speak like Guai Lo (white devil), must be vely vely rich, I charge him TREE TIMES PRICE!
Malaysia is currently filled with aliens, mainly Bangladeshis, Thais, Indonesians, Burmese, Nepalese, Klingons, Prawns (District 9) and the creature from SUPER 8 (who should have been broken out of his cell under the new Palace for orgies along Jalan Duta by a bunch of brave, intelligent, adventurous kids, but Malaysia is lacking kids who have all those qualities). These aliens are the backbone of the Malaysian economy; they work in dangerous construction jobs with pathetic pay, they work in restaurants with pathetic pay and the danger of immigration officers raiding the place looking for coffee money, they work as toilet cleaners, they work as skyscraper window cleaners, they get caught often and if they want to remain in Malaysia they have to offer their bodies to the police. Basically, they take up all the tough, low-wage jobs that the lazy locals do not want to do, because they are Bumiputras (Bumis, pronounced Boo-Me with a S), lords of Malaysia! One would think that the Bumis would be happy that these foreigners are doing all the hard work for them, but no! The Bumis complain about these aliens taking up all the jobs, raping their daughters (they rape their own daughters, but if you have an alien to blame, why not?), committing numerous crimes (90% of snatch theft suspects are Malays, because these 'lords' are too cowardly to confront a person face to face, even while mugging them), and anything else bad. So the Bumis don't want to do all the hard work, and when they have others to do it, they criticise them and ask them to get the hell back to wherever they came from. A brilliant species, these Bumis, aren't they?
The best form of hypocrisy is called “The Mega Ultimate Hypocrisy” (M.U.H) which is practiced by all Malaysian politicians. If you want to become a politician in Malaysia, you must practice M.U.H otherwise you are unpatriotic and unfit to attain a position that requires you to indulge in sex, drugs and corruption for the benefit of the "Rakyat Malaysia" (Malaysian society). In November 2011 for instance, Malaysia's education minister Muhyiddin Yassin told the press that Maths and Science subjects will be taught in the glorious language that is Malay, not that despicable, degenerate language that is, ugh, English, and that there will be no more debate on it. He said the government's decision was to protect the national language and culture of Malaysia (both which borrow heavily from foreign languages and cultures, anyway). UMNO monkeys are also always raving on about how foreign influence will taint the Malaysian culture and civilised nature. The best thing is that all the ministers, most being UMNO monkeys, either send their children to expensive international schools in Malaysia or to western countries like Canada, the UK, Australia, or America for their education. Nope, no hypocrisy here!
Another example of M.U.H is where they preach equality and racial harmony whilst instilling racial tension amongst the minorities in Malaysia, then blaming the minorities for creating trouble. They twist (never retract) their racist statements to make themselves sound un-racist. The unclassified creature who is 20x fatter than Jabba the Hutt and known as Ibrahim Ali is a prime example of a major idiot who stirs up tensions between the different ethnicities. He is called a 'katak' or frog/ toad by many, but seriously, what did the species do to deserve such an insult to their name? He is fond of concocting ludicrous statements like: “The Christians are planning to take over Malaysia and they have the support of America and the Yahudi (Jews), so we must shed Chinese blood (doesn't matter if I have gotten all my wealth by dealing with them) in order to summon the great power that is Allah so that he might smite these foes and defend Islam from the infidels! LONG LIVE MALAYS!”. Before the peaceful demonstration BERSIH 2.0, Mr. Unclassified Creature warned the Chinese in a threatening tone to “stock up on supplies” during the demonstration (implying that the Chinese will be in danger from hooting, keris-waving, brainless monkeys). After being accused of being racist and stirring racial tensions, he said that he was only “concerned” about the well-being Chinese people (perhaps concerned as in “if my Chinese friends get killed, then how can I make more money!”)
Want to read about another M.U.H practitioner? Yes you do! Despite preaching to others the good values of Islam and not to deviate from them, Nazri Abdul Aziz indulges in all kinds of vices. A prime example was when he took a picture of himself whilst indulging in the pleasures provided by a prostitute. Why he took the picture of himself with a whore, who knows, perhaps it was love at first sight, or perhaps he wanted the picture to show his BN buddies that he wasn't gay, but bisexual. An unknown individual (that person has to remain in the dark in order to prevent him or herself from being arrested and raped by BN minions under the "Internal Sex Act II" [ISA II] which is currently being drafted) managed to obtain that picture from his phone and released to the public. Nazri then defended himself by saying "It's not me", and his pals in top spots also said "it wasn't him", despite his face being very obvious in the picture. All Malaysians might as well engage themselves in all kinds of crime and vice, and if they are caught on camera, they can just say "it is not me!", just like Nazri did! If he can use it and it worked, Malaysians should be able to, right? This scum of scum of scum still maintains his nice, comfortable top post till this day. In other countries, when ministers or those running for seats are exposed in prostitution scandals, they do the honorable thing by resigning (e.g. Eliot Spitzer). This goes to show that Nazri is a sad, desperate, honorless, balless, scum of scum of scum who doesn't want to leave his comfortable post. But then again, this is Malaysia! MALAYSIA BOLEH!
Malay Culture
Malays are commonly known as village dwellers relying on the government for support and lulz. This is not true. They are retarded ass holes creating hate by any possible means. Malays are associated with the "3R"s.(Rempit, Rompak, Rogol). Rempit, which is illegal street racing on a motorcycle, a retarded midnight pastime invented by the Malays after getting bored of raping their daughters. Rogol or rape, Malays are well known for their inability to handle sexual urges and must rape whenever and wherever possible, raping daughters and aunts. Rompak or robbery, also a well known culture practised by the Malays, robbing anything anywhere from banks to old ladies.
Sure all of you wonder why the malays will associate with the "3R"s. They think Rempit is a wise thing to do, because they can show off they are not afraid of the grim reaper. Rogol, it's so clever because they can have the joy of having sex without paying, and also they are bored of raping own relatives or daughters. Rompak, the most easy way to be rich in a short time. And malays are known as lazy bums, got such a good way to get rich, why don't do it?
I am your master, agree with everything i say or I'll rape your daughter!
Najis Razak - a fine example
Khairy Jamaluddin with a bunch of Mat Rempits
Malay chatspeak has become a language of its own.
Eamples:
"i x tau cam mne nk ckp cam tuh :3" -
Saya tak tahu macam mana nak cakap macam itu *cute smiley*.
"lor ko x tau cite ker..
ary sabtu ary tu..
kiteorg ade lawan bola antare bilik..
time maen bola die okey jer..
abis maen jer tibe2 die ckp die sesak napas..
ingatkn semput biase jer
urut2 la dada die..
pasti die ckp die x tahan da..
on the way g hospital die da x der..
soday gak ar.." -
/lor/ kau tak tau cerita ke
hari sabtu hari itu
kita orang ada lawan bola antara bilik
time(english, duh) main bola dia okay saja
habis main saja tiba tiba dia cakap dia sesak nafas
ingatkan semput(out of breath) biasa saja
urut urut la dada dia
pasti dia cakap dia tak tahan dah
on the way pergi hospital dia dah tak ada
sedih juga ah"
Credits to a friend for translating the 2nd part of it.
It is a mixture or Malay, English, and many abbreviations, in other words... incomprehensible.
It is in the Malay culture to go against anything un-Malay e.g. smart.
Malaysia getting freaks they think they've developed countries commensurate with japan, usa, england and france, they have really forgot himself and very arrogant
Chinese Culture
Chinese are said to be money hugging scrooges. Most of chinese do a lot of things to gain money such as robbing, stealing, cheating, selling drugs and many more. However Chinese does not like to get involved in anything that does not involve money. In other words, money is culture, culture is money.
“Your money is my money, my money is my money!”
“I love m0ney!”
“Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions”
Chinese Nationalism in Malaysia
WARNING: A Malay (read: monkey) wrote this. Severe mental damage might result by reading this. Please proceed with caution.
Chinese in Malaysia (most of them) has the ambition to turn the country to second Fujian and Guangzhou. That is why they hate everything the Malays has and estabished in Malaysia for the past 2000 years.
They want to propogate chinese culture in Malaysia because they think that it is far more superior than others eventhough in reality when their ancestors came into Malaysia in droves they were poor, dying of famine, handicapped, full of diseases and STD. They came to Malaysia mainly to be a mining slave, or prostitute. However now they have managed to imrpove their socioeconomic achievement from cheating and plundering the natives and resources in Malaysia.
However, this never change them to recognise Malaysia as their homeland. They even try to erase the history of how their ancestors were when they came from China and the historical facts that Malay Kigdoms have porsperd in Malaysia for thousands of years before the Chinese came as faeces collecter. To them, their only allegiance is to China eventhough the chinese back in China regarded them as Malay. But that is fine, because they are unpatriotic accentric except to China.
To turn Malaysia to second Fujian and Guangzhou, the Chinese in Malaysia cant afford to let policies that function to eradicate poverty regardless of race, as well as policies that restructures society to eliminate the identification of race with economic function. These policies would be a threat to their Second Fujian Agendas . That is why they are against any plans for equal wealth distribution for everyone in Malaysia and is against any attempt to create a one school system in attempt to defend their Fujian and Guangzhou national school system in Malaysia. They are significant population of Turkish in German but they never want to create their own vernacular school, same case for Chinese in Thailand where their allegiance is only to Thai and not to China, they even use Thai names. (e.g. Thaksin, Yingluck and Abhisit are all Thai prime minister of Chinese ancestry).
They want to have equal rights in Malaysia, eventhough their allegiance is still to China and never respect and recognise the Malays in Malaysia. After more then 50 years in Malaysia, most chinese in Malaysia only know how to speak Mandarin and their own dialect. They went to their own Fujian school and only read the news about China all the time. They never want to intergrate into Malaysia and form a Malaysian culture and instead want others to practise their Chinese immigrant culture in which some of them is not even practised anymore in their beloved China.
Lalaism and Chinese
But recently, there has been a rising number Chinese girls and boys(of Secondary school ages) who become 'lala'. Most of them come from Chinese Secondary school and are mostly from places known as 'Kampung Baru'or New Villages formed during the times of the Malayan Emergency. For example, Pandamaran and Jenjarom in the Klang Valley.
Apparently it is a widespread and rampant condition, similar to the black plague.
It is easy to distinguish these people upon sight... but it is rather challenging to describe them with words alone. Lala-ism is quite horrible and may cause permanent mental and ocular damage to the uninitiated (or just have common sense and style)as it borrows heavily from Japanese harajuku and Korean popstars but doesn't look anywhere as cool. If you are a lala male, you must join gang and walk around like big taiko but ignore when people pass by you and start laughing, starve yourself so become damn fucking skinny, pierce ear several times, wear shirt with damn pink design or slogan with bad enggeris, and when you fail SPM you must make sure you dye your hair at least 10 different colors so there!(take note that they also order their lala-clothes from weird catalogs selling assorted cheap useless stuff.- sure china made one lah)
One of the common symptoms are the urge of cam-whoring. This is done with one or more girls posing in some "cute" manner, often from a 45 ° angle to make their eyes looks bigger, and the classical bunny ears.This includes adding blushes to their cheeks and pasting heart shapes and 'cute' images at the sides of their cam-whoring pictures.Unnecessary sparkles and excessive photoshop editing is required to achieve lala-ness. Go !(≧▼≦) (≧▼≦)
They also wear colours you are not supposed to mix (if fashion police go to Sungai Wang for duit kopi can come out trillionaire), wear hand socks in fucking 50 °C heat, wear leggings (pink or purple to shock people), also t-shirt with stupid slogans, and finally must date only skinny lala guys because they got money to buy the fucking expensive lala clothes (the money comes from selling pirated dvds and drugs for gang la, where else...)
Lalas love to name themselves after fruits or flowers. Apple may sound good on Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter but on an Asian it just sounds fruity and nutty. Don't be surprised if you meet lalas with names like apple, orange, strawberry, peach,cherry, apricot or lychee. Of late they name themselves after animals too.. like Fish and Panda. Calling themselves after flowers is quite a norm too. ..Ivy, Iris, Rose, Pansy. Why stop at being fruity? They might as well be nutty. They will be calling themselves cashew, almond , peanut or pecan soon. Of course there are those who give themselves proper western name. The #1 most common lala name is Vivian. Lalas love names beginning with the letter V ( Hence the poses with the V sign while cam-whoring!!)..so Veronica and Valerie are not spared. The lalas should be educated that the letter V generally conjures up a negative or destructive connotation.( Vomit, Vandals, Vicious, Vulgar, Vulva, Vagina, Villain, Vixen, Vampire,Venom, Void, Vacuous, Volatile, Volvano, Virus, Vermin to name a few and JK Rowling did not give her villain the name VOLDERMORT to give him a nice guy image! ). The letter V should alliterate well with the name Vivian.... Vulgar Vivian, Venomous Vivian, Vacuous Vivian, Vicious Vivian..etc Next comes Winnie ( The kiasu mentality spilled over from Singapore and they just love to win. Kathy ( which is mispronounced as kay-tie )is another favourite with the lalas...Kiasu kathy, Kookoo Kathy, katek Kathy, ketot kathy, kaki kelentong Kathy......
In conclusion: Japanese/ taiwanese wannabe
Dress code : sweaters and knee high boots and feather boas(never mind that they live in Malaysia where average temperature is 35 degrees Celcius. They must be thinking that it is 35 degrees Fahrenheit when they read the thermometer.） Or those who want to show off their curves, tight t-shirt with short denim shorts paired with 5-inch stiletto heels.
Hair colour : pseudo blonde （they forget that their eye brows are black though)
Favourite pastime : cam-whoring (with all the finger gestures that is exclusively lala) and opening eyes wide and pouting like a blowfish to look like japanese anime characters. (The lala wants to evolve to become a fish?)
Favourite music : J-pop or K-pop or any kind of techno music
Favourite English song: Nobody by Wondergirls
Lala city of Malaysia : Johor Bahru
Favourite tv program : Japanese anime
Favourite mentor : Ris Low of Singapore.
Mode of make-up : lots of glittery blue and green eye shadows to match the glittery blue and green tops they wear.
Type of smile : sweet dimpled in pics but in real life when they smile and open their mouths to talk, lots of gums showing: like a horse.
Favourite hangout : Sungei Wang in KL. Prangin Mall in Penang. Ulu Tiram In Johor Bahru. Tebrau city in Johor Bahru. Taman Sentosa In Johor Bahru. Taman Desa Jaya in Johor Baru. Taman Johor Jaya in Johor Bahru. Get the drift?
Idea of Designer/branded label : G-2000
Indian Culture
Not much is known about the Indians as they work 24/7 in 24 hour mamak stalls, or having a non challenging career such as petrol attendant, newspaper delivery man or rubber tapper. Some are extremely ambitious as they try to take over corpoate world (eg, Ananda krishnan,Tony Fernandez etc). The only culture that is visible to the public is that they like to drink a lot & party (Bangsar). They are also known as professional dog kidnappers. They have been claimed to possess nukes and weapons of mass destruction, waiting to be unleashed at UMNO for marginalising them.
Indonesian Culture, or Claimed Culture
The World (and probably the rest of the universe!) accuse Malaysia of "stealing" Indonesia's culture. This is why Malaysia can go burn in hell. It is also one reason why Malaysia (crap shit country) is called Malingshit, shit of thieves, direct translation.
National Culture Facts
NATIONAL EXCUSE for HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE for being LATE: Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rush into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.... and later realize they took from the peanuts shelf.
NATIONAL FRUIT for inducing MENSTRUATION: Pineapple and Cu-cum-ber (Cucumber)
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Air Bandung. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything...
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(MEN): Food poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS for GETTING MC(WOMEN): Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by WOMEN when REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, period, haven't removed make-up, haven't had a shower, no water supply, going to watch "Desperate Housewives", depressed, no mood, etc...
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN by MEN when REFUSING SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.
NATIONAL CURE for HEADACHES: Panadol. The "cure for all." If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE for DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE for DIZZINESS (for YUPPIES): Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE for DIZZINESS (Dedicated for YUPPIES): The sight of a police roadblock.
NATIONAL WORKING HOURS: 10.30am - 12.30am, 3pm-5pm (go to government office to see for yourself)
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere, as long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL most MISPRONOUNCED NAME: Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On second thought, why bother pronouncing silly French names like Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better when the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot." When I was in school, Milo was always 'MeeLo.' Now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo." So don't be embarrassed saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "orangootan."
NATIONAL MOST MISPRONOUNCED WORD : liaise ..every Ah beng and ah lian who wants to sound urban will pronounce it Lai-ers ( like liars ). When you pronounced it lee-ays they will correct you by emphsizing Lai-ers!
NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes "bouncing" about on the streets.
NATIONAL Favorite Day : Holiday & Pay Day
NATIONAL SPORT : DOTA , SKODENG, TIKAM , Looking for High Level Ragnarok Characters .
NATIONAL Football Team : Pasukan Harimau Tua Tidak Bergigi
NATIONAL Cars : Plotonk, PERADUA( Perusahaan Automobilsilalurosak Dua Roda)
NATIONAL movies : Kehidupan Seorang Pramugara yang suka Melampau , KL Menangis ,Rempit mati dilanggar apek Cina, karipap cinta
NATIONAL searches on Yahoo and Google : Sex Melayu, Melayu tudung bogel, skodeng amoi, Melayu tembam, kongkek cikgu
National reasons for suicide : Low pay , Presure during fasting season , Wife cheating on husband , Unfinished Rubik's cube .
National LIAR: Najis Razak
National gay icon: Anwoo Brahing
Drugs
Drugs are punished by the barbaric penalty of hanging. Marijuana is considered to be the most taboo and harmful of all drugs. It is considered the equivalent of cocaine in the U.S. The punishment for more than 200 grams is the death penalty. Raids have been conducted by local polis (police) to stop all Marijuana related activities. While crystal meth and heroin uses go up, THANK GOD (sarcasm) the government is cracking down on insanity-causing MARIJUANA. According to the Malaysian government, Marijuana is the most lethal and dangerous drug EVER. Ecstasy and heroin can wait while Malaysia's crusade on Marijuana prevails! This is just a thought: perhaps the Malaysian government shouldn't focus so hard on cracking down on Marijuana but instead they should be improving education, social welfare, and preventing crimes that makes Malaysians look like rapers and molesters of zoo monkeys.