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Chalk is the by-product of experimental reproduction between the cookie monster and Bill Oddie that was forged by Lucifer himself, this occurred originally to produced a super, bird watching, cookie eating, all singing, all dancing cat. However unfortunately it went violently wrong producing plain old chalk. Chalk original was slimy, wet and sticky but has evolved over the years to become the substance we know today (according to Charles Darwin). Chalk, although looking inanimate, is actually a very lively and bubbly substance with plenty of character, however due to its sheer lack of size is intimidated by us humans and plays dead when we are around. Leigh ate chalk once, but that's because Liz shoved it into her mouth and forced her to eat it. Leigh will never forgive Liz ever again. Emily started laughing at the two of them because they were obsessing about chalk. It is also the bitter enemy of cheese.

Chalk and its Habits/Personality[edit]

Whenever chalk sees a blackboard it dives straight towards it and rubs all over the board. This is actually due to the fetish that chalk has over blackboards. Chalk is also a colonial substance, forming large colonies all over the world, where it reproduces mitotically, producing exact replicas of itself. It tends to gather around coastal and mountain areas, for example Dover. Chalk is rowdy and quite explicit- if you happen to visit some of the great chalk clubs of the world, I recommend clubcalcium carbonate, then you will experience how fiesty and forward chalk is. They jump onto you like leeches and before you know they will be reproducing in your rectum.

Great Chalks[edit]

There have been many great and valiant chalks over the time of which there are too many to name, a few examples are:

  • Peter Chalkfellow - owner of a successful chain of chalk clubs
  • Chalk Norris - successful actor
  • Oprah Calkfry- talk show host
  • Dale 'Chalk' Winton - TV host and pro-gay chalk
This chalk, however, has been brutally butchered and stained for human use.

Other useful facts about chalk[edit]

  • Chalk is a good friend of and is wholeheartedly supported by the Pope
  • Contrary to popular belief ,chalk originally wrote the satanic verses
  • All chalk is a hermaphroditic
  • Cillit Bang is actually made out of purple chalk
  • Your god can shapeshift into a large chalk which terrifies the streets of Puerto Rico every 40,000 years
  • Microsoft is actually owned by the Chalk Union (CU), a large union set up by the great chalk activist, Bruce Chalkstein
  • David Hasselhoff was once a chalk but was then converted to be a dick headGerman.
  • The Da Vinci Code is actually all true contrary to popular belief, as told by the great Chalk leader Pastor Quinn.

Chalk as a drug[edit]

It has been reported that high school and middle school students across the United States have been using chalk as a drug during school hours. The primary way in which the chalk is ingested is through snorting. Students will (often during class) grind pieces of chalk on their desk, cut it into fine particles using a ruler or library card, and snort it using a pen barrel or straw. Users also like to smoke chalk, they usually pack ground up chalk into a bowl or bong or roll a chalk joint. It is highly addictive and very damaging to the body. It produces an intense high and causes the user to shake uncontrollably and become very angry. Due to its addictive and damaging nature, many schools have made it illegal to be in possession of chalk on school grounds. This has lead to increased crime and violence in and around schools. In replace of chalkboards, many schools now use whiteboards, which are also becoming a problem, because kids have been sniffing the whiteboard markers in replace of chalk.