Canamerica War

“Never have a seen such an intense and bloody war.”

~ Oscar Wilde

The Canamerican War was a brief clash between American and Canadian troops lasting little over five years (November 2007-January 2012). During the course of the war, only one man died (albeit 1,023,344 times) and sadfully one donkey (named Kong) stubbed his toe.

Causes for the War

In early 2007, Canadian and American relations started to degrade after the American President was accidentally caught on microphone saying that the Canadian Prime Minister's wife's undergarments smelt of rancid cheese (and not the good kind of rancid cheese). When the Canadian Prime Minister heard of the American President's insensitive comments he immediately demanded that the president go public and state that it (the odor) wasn't as bad as all that.

Not knowing that he's been caught on tape, the President tried to plead ignorance, and refused to apologize or even admit he had said anything. We later found out that he didn't plead ignorance, but rather that he was a total idiot.

Once the Prime Minister heard of the President's refusal to admit that his wife's undergarments did not smell like rancid cheese, the Prime Minister became furious at the President, and on November 25th declared war on the United States of America.

First Four Years Of The War

The first four years of the war were quiet and uneventful, and so can all be grouped together. This is mainly due to the Canadian Prime Minister's fault upon signing the declaration of war, but once he put down the pen he entirely forgot about the matter. For three full years, both countries were at war, and neither side knew it.

Nothing happened on either side until December 31st of the fourth year, when the Prime Minister, in the process of cleaning up his desktop after being impeached accidentally came across his own document and suddenly remembered the entire thing.

Once remembering his fight, the Prime Minister, invoking a little-known clause of the Canadian Constitution, unanimously declared himself Queen of Canada until the war was over. This allowed him to remain in office, and get himself a fancy golden tiara with a matching pink dress (since he is the high ruler after all and no one dared laugh at his dress since he could have them executed on the spot).

The Rubber Chicken Battle

The first battle took place January 5th when the Prime Minister along with his War Time strategists initiated "Operation Quack". They've spent an entire four (4) days preparing for the battle (which was hard for them considering the Prime Minister's birthday and the poor donkey stubbing his toe after getting drunk and walking into a tree), and ordered ten thousand rubber chickens be made from the mining city of Sudbury, Ontario. This is one reason why Uncyclopedia still doesn't have an article on Sudbury, but some speculate that it's also because nobody cares.

The Prime Minister's plan went off without a single problem, and on January 5th, 10,000 Canadians crossed the border with their chickens (one Canadian being forced by his mom to stay home to mow the lawn). After what seems like an eternity (aka I don't know how long it takes to get to Washington DC), the Canadians, breaking into two groups, all stormed the Washington Memorial and the Lincoln Memorial. With their rubber chickens, they slapped silly every police and military unit in the area and took control of the seemingly pointless stronghold.

The Canadian militia (?) held these points for an impressive four months, at which point they got distracted by the McDonald's across the street and all left to get a Fillet o' Fish and a large Sprite.

American Counter Strike; Operation: What did We Do Wrong?

Confused on why Canadian militia were attacking their national landmarks for no apparent reason, the American put into place "Operation D'uh?". The plan was to have an Elvis impersonator dressed as the President and get them to go to the Canadian Prime Minister and cry to him saying he doesn't know what he did wrong. At first, the plan kept failing; this is due to when ever the disguised Elvis impersonator crossed the border he was shot and killed right away (the border guards mistakenly thinking it was the real Elvis come back from the dead). But finally, and thanks to the awesome powers of zombie magick, the undead imposter made it through on the 1,023,343rd try.

While meeting with the Prime Minister, the fake president started right away to try get the Canadian Prime Minister to explain why he has sent in troops to take them out. After little discussion, the Prime Minister informed the counterfeit about the aforementioned cheese incident. This, then, was the inescapable turning point of the war. Sadfully, on his way back to the United States, the counterfeit was shot by his own troops.

The Turning Point

It wasn't until January 4th, 2011, that the war turned towards it's end. It all started with the death of the American President and the unexplicable lapse of amnesia which has gripped the Canadian prime minister. This created a momentary lapse of reason in which if both nations were able to