Betty White
“She's one hell of an agent, I'll give her that.”
“I thought she was a myth!”
Betty Chris Crocker White Power AKA: Betty White or by her stage name Butty White (January 17, 1922 – December 31, 2021) was a vintage porn star, former CIA operative, government agent, and animal rights activist. She was the female version of Chuck Norris and the 1st place in the world's ranking for deadliest women. She killed thousands of terrorists in her lifetime.
Childhood[edit]
Little is known about Betty White's childhood, other than the fact that she was born to a midwife and God. Due to her blood relation with God, this had made her a blood relative of Chuck Norris. This also explains her superhuman strength. At the age of eight, she was responsible for the attack and murder of some twenty terroists and later at the age of 14 the fall of the Jewish Mafia (Not that it was a challenge). Her undeniable talent as a rogue agent earned her a position as an operative at the CIA at the age of 15. For years, White travled the world, taking down terrorists, she even killed Chairman Mao while he slept. Before the age of 18, White had already became a top operative and was stationed in Israel for three years where she killed thousands of Arabs and drained their bodies for their oil, making her one of the most ruthless women in the world. In 1941, she was featured in an underground stag video which showed one of the first anal penetration scenes in American history. By the age of 20, Betty was one of the world's top assassins and was a bodyguard for Mr. T from 1980 to 1987. Betty White was so bad-ass that she made Mr. T the foo.
Super-secret spy work[edit]
Betty caused a large stir up in Germany in 1914, after the Germans decided to fight everyone and piss everyone off. So Betty went in there and fixed their asses out. Unfortunately, in 1932, an attack on Pear Harbor rendered Betty into a coma for 5 years and was unable to go in and stop the invading forces of Germany and Adolf Hitler. However, even though she never brought about the down fall of Hitler, she was known for taking down other tyrants as well, such as Stalin Bear and Chairman Mao. After Betty regained consiousness from her coma she worked with the NSA at the start of 1940. However, Betty caused too much hell in the NSA and was sent back to the CIA and was declared as "Their problem now!" Back at the CIA, Betty was working harder than ever to maintain the saftey of the US. In the 1990's, Betty was responsible for getting Bill Clinton impeached. With her extensive training as an engineer, Betty created a Multiple Ohm Nidrolyic Intellegent Craft Airspacer (or M-O-N-I-C-A for short) and designed her to seduce Bill. While the plan was a fail it did cause Hillary Clinton's vagina to turn into a raving monster filled with razor sharp teeth and acid. During our present times, Betty was put into the cast of Saturday Night Live in-order to gain a lead of the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden who was suspected to be Tina Fey in disguise
1-800-PETMEDS scam[edit]
In 1996, White started a CIA-funded operation known as 1-800-PETSMEDS, a fake service claiming to provide lots of experimental drugs for your fat-ass pet. Betty collected the customers' adresses and hunted down their pets, strapped them to a cement wall, beat them with crowbars, and interrogated them on the whereabouts of Android Kitty, which she never discovered. Owners of the pets attempted to take down Betty White in the famous event known as 9/11. The planes were meant to be directed into New Jersey where they would crash safely in a pile of garbage, but White was distracted by a Pottery Barn sale advertised on television and lost control. America then invaded Iraq for no apparent reason, Betty knew this and the CIA attempted to kill her. However, she vanished into thin air.
Later life[edit]
Betty was last seen in the North Pole hitting on eskimos, attempting to track down her old arch-nemesis, Android Kitten, whose primary task is to take over the world through various pyramid schemes. Betty has fiercely fought this evil feline but has been unable to capture her since the showdown in Bombay of 1999. Betty was quoted as saying in a press release "That kitten is more than evil, she's diabolic, and I will not rest until she's brought to justice and shot in the back of the head." Betty has also searched for her in Brazil, Russia and Dayton, Ohio but that darn cat is nowhere to be found as of 2008. If you have any inklings as to the whereabouts of Android Kitten, be sure to call 1800-BETTY-4US, toll free. Betty also is searching for her long lost father in the process, God. While the two were estranged for sometime, God never called Betty back after she called him back in 2006. While some have thought of him as dead, Betty refuses to think other wise, and has set out on a journey to find her father as well as bringing Android Kitten to justice.
She has had a long running feud with gangsta rapper Snuggle Bunny LaTrelle. The two underworld figures have caused many conflicts, including the crisis in Libya in 2011.
Death[edit]
Betty died 31st December 2021. No comeback is expected.