BP oil spill

A sample of oil taken from the BP oil spill.

“I told you Iraq had secret weapons of mass destruction.”

~ Tony Blair's first remark on the BP oil Spill.

“Well, Iraq's still basically part of Britain.”

~ Tony Blair's second remark on the BP oil spill after being told that BP was a British company.

The BP oil spill of 2010, centred around the date of 4th July that year, was a move made by BP (Bad Pollution) to retaliate against the USA for an event that happened in 1776 on the same date. This event parralleled the Icelandic attempt to remind the Danish about the event that happened 17th June 1944 when Denmark suddenly discovered it did not own Iceland as, due to the Icelandic banks collapsing, Iceland had become worthless. This is proved through extensive scientific research that the ashcloud was directly aimed at Denmark and that there were remnants of a nuclear explosive devise found in Mt. Eyjafjallajokull that the Icelandic people denied existence of.

The BP oil spill was a success unlike the Icelandic volcano eruption plan and so in the process many pelicans died resulting in the second largest extinction of any species on the planet after the mass extinction of bunny rabbits on Easter Island.

The Cause of the Spill

When the US president got angry and threatened to wipe out the whole of the UK by poisoning the McDonald's burgers, David Cameron the British Prime Minister blamed it on the previous Labour government's inadequacy to deal with rising oil migration and could find nowhere to deport the oil migrant so dumped it all in the sea. He also commented that it was ok as Britain had loads of oil still, sitting under the Atlantic Ocean near the Falkland Islands(Arg: Las Falkland Islands). The Argentinian neutral diplomat in the blame conference then swung heavily in the USA's favour and the British were ordered to pay reparations, limit their army to 100,000 men,give back all territory owned in Poland and prevented them from making an alliance with Austria in the Treaty of York. David Cameron complained as to get the army to 100,000 men they would actually have to recruit 55,000 men and up military spending.

Events During The Spill

BP's state of the art helicopter.

BP endlessly pretended to fix the problem by using the most futile methods they could think of. One of these attempts was to get a Russian University to attempt to detonate a nuclear bomb in the leaking pipe but for some reason USA authorities banned this. Tony Hayward sat down in his big, comfy, revolving chair and evilly smiled at all the revenge he had got on the USA for not winning the Texas lottery draw. Every other Brit on the planet saw the huge irony that oil was leaking all over the USA, the largest consumer of oil in the Northern Hemisphere of the super cluster. For once even Green Peace didn't mind if a few pelicans died.

BP's best efforts came about when they devised to send in their top-of-the-range helicopter to deal with the problem by using the rotor blades to suck all the oil out of the sea.

Eventually all the oil in the World leaked out and now we just have to put up with a sort of black-brown sea colour but at least it didn't prevent air travel like the Icelandic revenge attempt did.

The Aftermath

BP suffered greatly under huge economic burdens and could barely pay off the reparations forced upon them. Despite this the British people were fueled on by the spirit of playing "a dirty rotten trick on the Yanks." BP was sued billions of dollars by the hundreds of agricultural farmers living anywhere from Louisiana right up to Minnesota who laid even the slightest claim that they were affected by the disaster in some way. The UK Government was perfectly happy to subsidise BP's reparations cost as it was worth the money.

The American perception of Britain was completely changed. This was the first time that many Americans had heard of a major oil company which wasn't Russian or American. Some had never realized that Britain had access to oil in the first place. Afterall as one Republican Senator put it, "Wasn't it the US who invented Black Gold? I don't remember us sharing it with those imperialist idiots!"

Films on the Oil Spill

The 39 Slicks - Action, comedy in which a British secret agent runs about sliding over oil while his American CIA partner fires round after round into the oil to prevent it reaching the shores of Texas (now also part of Argentina).

Oil at Sunrise - Western adventure in which Clint Eastwood says lots of stuff that sounds tough and then plays stuck in the mud with the bad guys until he realises it's not mud but oil.