Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 28

August 28: International Horniness Day

• 2,000,000 BCE - Homo flaccidus has a hard time getting a date.
• 1,000,000 BCE - Homo erectus gets horny and manages to get his own boner without assistance.
• 100,000 BCE - Homo erectus finally loses its erection and becomes sapiens.
• 90,000 BCE - Adam and Eve become horny.
• 33 CE - Jesus is horny for the last time.
• 489 - Theodoric, King of the Ostrogoths defeats Odoacer, King of Cers at the Battle of Iseeyourgonzoandraiseyouaspliff.
• 1729 - Man discovers his hand, women are now useful for cooking, cleaning and raising children only.
• 1845 - The first issue of Unscientific Horny American is published. The centerfold, which features a different Nobel-Prize-winning scientist each month, proves unpopular, and is discontinued almost immediately.
• 1924 - The first Horny & Hardart food automat and sex emporium is erected.
• 1941 - Miso Horny is named Japan's National Soup.
• 1942 - Teddy Roosevelt is found to be horny in Jacksonville, Florida. He is promptly arrested.
• 1988 - In Soviet Russia, Russian Reversal jokes become punishable by death so all quotes based on 1987 statements are redacted.
• 1993 - Haim Saban, after drinking heavily, creates Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
• 2009 - Tiger Woods's controversial solution to chronic horniness is made public.
• 2010 - Giant Horny Cheese invades Earth and takes Hailers hostage.