Armageddon (album)

Armageddon
Studio Album by Armageddon
Release Date	Gaypril 1st, 1976
Recorded	Smarch 49th, 1976
Genre	Hard Rock
Length	5:06:39
Record label	Happy Puppy Records HPR 0001
Producer	Ronnie Soak
Armageddon albums
Armageddon (1976)	Rugeddonit (1977)

“All art is quite useless.”

~ Oscar Wilde on the album

“If your friends tell you this garishly septuple album is dense, they're probably referring to the weight of the box.”

~ Lester Bangs on the album

“How do you like me now, you wanker?”

~ Death on Lester Bangs

Armageddon is Armageddon's debut album, released in 1976.

Overview

Armageddon features the highest ratio of "touring is hard" songs found on any album apart from Touring is Hard Vol. 1, 2 & 5. The album itself was cobbled together from soundboard tapes recorded during Armageddon's extra-dimensional tour, as recounted by the producer, Ronnie Soak. Most of the tracks found on it are actually cover songs from past, present and future artists.

Recording and Release

Most of Armageddon's albums were recorded on the final day of Smarch, with their first album being released the following day in Gaypril. The Armageddon session built the foundation for this history of behavior. In fact, up until the end of February 1976, Smarch did not exist.

In a 1997 interview with some of Armageddon's members, Keith Relf recounted the origins of Smarch.

Oh, Smarch? Well, you have to understand, it was February at the time. We were all absolutely trashed. That's the beauty of being immortal in February, you don't get hangovers. So I'm in bed with Death and she whispers in my ear that she's really looking forward to hearing our new album. I realized right there that we hadn't even recorded the bloody thing yet.

Death, though, she's a crafty lady, she has this hourglass that lets her manipulate time. So I start rummaging through her drawers and I pull the hourglass out. Nothing fancy, just another week. I mean, it was February, who'd notice? Well, seven days later, we were still raving drunk. So I add another week. And another. Pretty soon Gaypril is six weeks overdue.

So Death, bless her heart, added one more week and made us all sober up. Famine, though... Lightweight didn't come out of it until that Saturday morning. Ronnie picked us up and we cut the album. Got it out the next day. I didn't find out 'til later that I'd added permanent weeks and those sons of bitches are too big a hassle to purge from the timeline, so we were stuck with them.

Ronnie Soak, during the same interview, had a slightly different account of their last day in Smarch.

Are you kidding me? None of you [guys] made it to the studio! I went 'round Death's house to see what was up; Keith and her were rolling around in bed like otters with War passed out in a rocking chair on the front porch. I couldn't even find Pestilence and Famine. In the end I just took the soundboard tapes from their extra-dimensional tour and pulled out some of my favorites, overdubbed some sounds of kids beating up beggars, you know.

Label

Armageddon is the first and only album released by Happy Puppy Records. As it was the first septuple album, sales were incredibly poor; none of the casual record-buying public could afford such an ostentatious purchase. The fallout ended with the label's bankruptcy and Ronnie Soak's foundation of DeLay Records, whose main purpose was to give Armageddon a deadline they would inevitably postpone until Smarch 49th, after which the resultant material would be pruned and worked over until ready for release.

Album Cover

Until presented with the album cover at the 1997 interview, none of Armageddon's members realized that the word "Armaggedon" was emblazoned upon it. Producer Ronnie Soak blamed this new information for Armageddon's poor sales citing the Double D standard of marketing.

Track Listing

All songs are credited to Relf, Pestilence, Famine and War, except where otherwise noted.

Side One

1. "Hello Yuggoth (Mushroom Brain)" - 4:08
2. "It's not Easy Being Galactus" - 20:28

Side Two

1. "Prism Diffracting Light Against Black Background" - 3:26
2. "If Only Every Chair Were So Electrifying" - 6:37
3. "Save a Roadie, Eat a Banana" - 7:13
4. "The Sign Says We're Out of Time" - 3:46

Side Three

1. "Trapped Among the Stars" - 3:32
2. "Hello Kobaia (Get that Blasted Bird Away From Me)" - 10:09
3. "Four Lads Crossing a London Street" - 7:47

Side Four

1. "Does That Rooster Look Like it Has Breasts to You? (Lay Off the Hash)" - 6:57
2. "Stuck Within the Sun and Moon" - 13:35

Side Five

1. "Feels Like Our Ship's Been Swamped Forever" - 2:24
2. "Fear of Flying (On Crashing Zeppelins)" - 6:41 (credited to Led Zeppelin)
3. "Hello Karn Evil 9 (You Guys are Super Troupers)" - 5:14
4. "Skipping Along With My Ass" - 9:04

Side Six

1. "Our Tour Bus Has a Petting Zoo" - 3:01
2. "We Play in Blue Ponchos" - 2:12
3. "Grayed-out Chaos" - 5:03
4. "Standing in a Field, Waiting for the Sun" - 3:55
5. "On a Sailing Ship to Nowhere" - 8:29

Side Seven

1. "I Love Those Spaceship Cities" - 7:47
2. "Red Out" - 4:19
3. "This is No Way to Treat a Musical Instrument" - 3:19
4. "I'm the Siren" - 4:11
5. "It's All Uphill" - 2:32

Side Eight

1. "Pawns in Space" - 23:04

Side Nine

1. "Hello, Garden of Eden" - 17:10
2. "Cardboard Band" - 3:57

Side Ten

1. "Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Armadillo Tank" - 20:41
2. "The Beatles Are Bigger Than Jesus" - 2:31
3. "The Stones Were Larger Than God" - 0:09

Side Eleven

1. "Our Bus isn't Magical, it's Just Brightly Coloured" - 3:17
2. "We Wear These Costumes to Scare Away Pre-Teen Groupies" - 2:51
3. "Hello to the Land of Ladies" - 5:13
4. "Hello Children (We Have Candy)" - 2:57
5. "Hello Hades (Let's Party)" - 4:08
6. "Just Peachy" - 2:06

Side Twelve

1. "Five in Silhouette" - 7:15
2. "Having a Cow" - 5:29
3. "Wearing Primary Colors" - 3:23
4. "Heavy Metal Giant" - 2:01
5. "Graffiti in the Stall" - 3:16

Side Thirteen

1. "Down on the Corner" - 2:13
2. "I Was Bitten By a Paranoid LARPer" - 7:57
3. "Crass in the Clouds" - 4:27
4. "Apocalyptic Panty Shot" - 4:56
5. "Rainbow Castle" - 4:42

Side Fourteen

1. "Down the Yellow Brick Road" - 11:09
2. "Black and White Motorcycle" - 3:20
3. "Amped Up and Ramped Up" - 5:18

Personnel

• Keith Relf - Lead vocals, harp, harmonica
• Pestilence - Electric, acoustic guitars
• War - Drums, vocals, piano, assorted percussion
• Famine - Bass, electric bowed bass guitars

With:

• Ronnie Soak - Producer, beggar kicking