Angus McVegan

Angus McVegan holding his own brand chocolate bars. He was the spitting image of his cousin the poet Robert Burns

Angus McVegan (1750-1800) was a leader of the 18th century Scottish independence movement and the first advocate of a vegan diet. His omission in vegan and Scottish history is a side-effect of Winston Churchill's successful campaign to rewrite the History of the British Empire and Scotland in order to prevent nationalist revolutions from the countries of the United Kingdom during World War II. That and he also hated vegans.

Early Life

Angus McVegan was born in a sheep barn in Anstruther in 1750. His father, Anndra McVegan, was a town politician and fish herder, while his mother was Curstaidh Burns, a well-known poet and second cousin to nationalist writer Robbie Burns. According to local town legend, their fathers Quinn McVegan and Tearlach Burns were drinking buddies at a local pub. After a five hour bender they had a huge bar fight because they disagreed on how to spell the name "Sean". Their wives arranged Anndra and Curstaidh to marry to keep peace between the two families.

Angus had a childhood filled with tragedy. His father Anndra was run over by a sheep stampede in 1769, and died of complications of this and a subsequent syphilis infection from a doctor in August of that year. As a result, his mother, stricken with grief, wrote the epic poem "Anndra Bananae" in 1770. Panned by critics at the time for being "total shite", Curstaidh died of Pre-Internet Shaming in 1771.

Being an orphan at such a young age was a turning point in Angus' life. Because he had to take care of his five younger siblings (Moire, Mairi, Marsaili, Magaidh and Fred), Angus moved to the town of Badbea in 1772 so he could work on a sheep farm.

It was here that shaped the purpose in the young Angus. A few years earlier, King George III had a bad case of explosive diarrhea due to ingesting an undercooked Haggis during an official visit to Glasgow. Thinking this was done on purpose (which it probably was just to take the piss out of him), King George ordered his troops to storm the Scottish Highlands and kill all the sheep so this would not happen again. In 1763, Angus fought against British troops in "The Battle of Hirsel", but it was all for nothing -- all of Angus' flock was decimated. So that George could really solidify his control of Scotland, England imposed a sheep import tax of 500% later that year, resulting in the horrific Mutton Famine of 1774. It was at this time, Angus popularised the McVegan diet, consisting of oats, potatoes, barley and "The Evil Wicked Heart of King George III". Since that last bit was considered a bit of fun (and since most Scottish scholars agree that King George III's head was just like a head of lettuce), most modern academics agree that this is the first historical record of a vegan diet in the British Isles.

Death

Angus McVegan died in September 1, 1800 after kicking King George in the balls during the performance of the British National Anthem in The Theatre Royal, Drury Lane. Ironically, doing this act resulted in the King doubling over and avoiding a gunshot from the crowd, thereby thwarting the assassination attempt by nutter James Hedfield. Angus McVegan took the shot instead, and reportedly said "Ach! Shot in me heart ... and ye are to blame!" while pointing at Hedfield. As a result, Hedfield has been known posthumously as the "The Man Who Gave Love a Bad Name".

McVegan was buried in a sheep farm in Moffat in December 25, 1800. No one cared.