Uncyclopedia:Flamewar Guidelines

This page is considered a policy on Uncyclopedia. It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it so long as they're not being a dick. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

Uncyclopedia Flamewarriors

A Unique perspective

Here at Uncyclopedia, unlike many other encyclopedias, we encourage and support Flamewars. However, a unique distinction is that we support Constructive Flamewars, rather than degenerative ones. While Uncyclopedia is chock full of truthiness, knowledge, and general immaturity, we also strive to keep a social standard.

In general, when you partake in a flamewar, please make it Constructive. We suggest the use of Pascal, Java, C+++, or assembly class constructors, for example:

 public class flameWar {
 	public flameWar () {
 		private static final String flame = new String("Why is this gratuitous code here?");
 		private boolean isNecessary = false;
 	}
 	
 	public void flame(User doofus, User bonehead) {
 		while (!flameWar.isOver()) {
 			System.out.println(bonehead.flame(doofus));
 		}
 		
 		flameWar next = new flameWar();
 		next.flame(User.getRandom(), User.getRandom());
 	}
 }

More examples of appropriate constructors (click link to show)

For PHP users, use this code:

 <?php
 
 class flameWar {
 	var $isNecessary = false;
 	var $isOver = false;
 	var $flameText = 'Insert <del>nonsense</del>creative flames here';
 	
 	function __construct() {
 		$this -> startFlaming(getRandomUser());
 	}
 	
 	function startFlaming(moron) {
 		$this -> $isOver = false;
 			while ($this -> $isOver != true) {
 				echo $this -> $flameText;
 			}
 		
 		$this -> startFlaming(getRandomUser());
 	}
 }
 
 require_once 'flameWar.class.extend.php';
 $flame = new flameWar();
 
 ?>

Maybe even C++:

 class FlameWar
 {
 	FlameWar()
 	{
 		cout << "Flame!" << endl;
 	}
 	
 	// Not allowed to have destructors in a flame war
 	// ~FlameWar()
 	//{
 	//    cout << "Destructive Flame!" << endl;
 	//}
 }

Even VB.NET

 Public Class FlameWar
 Inherits ForumPost
 
     Private mstrTarget As String
     Public Sub New(Target As User) 'Constructor
         mstrTarget = Target
     End Sub
 
     Private Function DoFlame() As Boolean 'Do the flame
         Console.WriteLine(GetRandomFlame(mstrTarget))
         Return FlameWar.IsOver
     End Function
 
     Private ReadOnly Property IsOver() As Boolean 'Godwin's Law applies
         Get
             Dim blTemp As Boolean = False
             If InStr(blTemp,"Hitler") Then blTemp = True
             If InStr(blTemp,"Nazi") Then blTemp = True
             Return blTemp
         End Get
     End Property
 
     Public Sub Flame() 'Public facing interface
         If DoFlame() = True Then
             Dim oFlameWar As New FlameWar(Users.GetRandomUser())
         End If
     End Sub
 End Class

And even win32 asm... to be compiled with FASM:

FORMAT PE CONSOLE
Entry Main

STD_OUTPUT_HANDLE    = -11

Section '.flat' Code Data Readable Writeable Executable
	
	Data Import
		DD	0, 0, 0, RVA szKernel32, RVA KernelTable
		DD	0, 0, 0, 0, 0
	End Data
	
	szKernel32 DB 'Kernel32.dll', 0
	szGetStdHandle DB 0, 0, 'GetStdHandle', 0
	szWriteConsole DB 0, 0, 'WriteConsoleA', 0
	
	KernelTable:
		GetStdHandle DD RVA szGetStdHandle
		WriteConsole DD RVA szWriteConsole
	DD 0
	
	Main:
		
		Push STD_OUTPUT_HANDLE
		Call [GetStdHandle]
		Mov Ebx, Eax
		
	Flame:
		
		Push 0
		Push 0
		Push sFlame.Length
		Push sFlame
		Push Ebx
		Call [WriteConsole]
		
	; Never ending flame war
	Jmp Flame
	
	sFlame DB 'Flame anyone and everyone in sight... '
	sFlame.Length = $ - sFlame

But you'll probably prefer Python:

def flame():
    while you_are_bored:
        user = get_random_user()
        crap = invent_flame_text(SWEARING)
        user.flame(crap)

Heck, even do it in math class on your calculator in TI Basic:

:Disp "Flamewar"
:Goto FL
:Lbl FL
:RandUser->A        <---NOTE:Requires Firmware update 2.56U
:Input "Flame=", B
:(A+B)->SERV
:Delvar A
:Delvar B
:Delvar C
:Goto FL

What constitutes a Constructive Flamewar?

If all else fails, follow this backup plan.

A constructive flamewar is where you build up pages of irrelevant information and add topics to distort the truth to your side, rather than edit pages supporting the other argument. When doing so, please do not use bots, or copy and paste the same page over and over again. This is abusive. What you can do, however, is create many bizarre articles that relate to your point. This is a constructive flamewar, which contributes rather than degrades from Uncyclopedia. You are encouraged to write about completely unrelated topics to push your agenda, or your drugs, or your mom, but please do not revert/edit out topics that oppose you, because that would mean you have no honor honour (pretend that phrase was spoken by Worf for the full effect).

Conducting the Flamewar

As a guideline, Create rather than Destroy! We like propaganda, but please at least make an effort, as well. Many stub articles are fun for a while, but do try to fill them in with warped details rather than spew one liners here and there. Longer articles tend to be more fun to read, and ultimately allow you to win a flamewar. For example, "Timmy is stupid!" is not as good as "Egyptologists recently discovered the mummy of Queen Hatshepsut of Egypt. Strange markings were written on the inside of the sarcophagus, and were translated to 'Timmy is stupid.'" If you are a good enough flame warrior, you may even pick up combatants that join your cause. Inside jokes are addictive. Outside jokes should be brought in before they catch cold, unless they are vicious attack jokes, in which case they should be sent to joke obedience school. Remember, if you don't compare the other person to Hitler, it is not a real flame. Stalin has too many nice points, Lenin was ultimately defeated by Stalin, and Mussolini was a wonderful soprano. Hitler imposed a ban on smoking in public places, which will preserve his name in infamy forever.

Opening ceremonies and the Initiation of Fire

Gratuitously more flamewarriors.

Each flamer must first curtsey in their schoolgirl uniform before bowing down for the entirety of the prayer to the God of Flaming. A gong must be hit three times (four if the initiator lives in Canada or Witchita, and five if the initiator believes King Arthur had a really cool cape) prior to the Initiation of Fire. Both flamers must then don suits made of gasoline and plastic wrap and bathe their computers in the glorious flame, which will probably hurt (the computer, not the flamer). If the computer is able to bear the heat for five minutes, then and only then can they participate in this activity. This is a prestigious ceremony and only the most diligent of flamers may participate. Also, people with pie are edible. Bonus points may be awarded to the flamer with the best real-life anime hair, since modern hair technology is capable of such feats.

Or, you could sign up. Or post anonymously. Or posthumously. Whatever's easier. Try to refrain from writing on the screen. Tippex for corrections is a definite no, as is grapefruit juice.

Conclusion

By following these guidelines, our flamewars can be fun, constructive, and ultimately allow your petty arguments to leave a deliciously permanent scar on Uncyclopedia. Within these guidelines, flaming and trolling is totally encouraged. Just keep it constructive. Thanks, and this way, we can create a more stupid and horrific Uncyclopedia. If you read enough of this website, your brain will atrophy, thus providing the perfect defense against the zombie hordes. Of course, you may use your stun gun and your plasma gun and your super hi-fi not-yet-invented gun but we prefer you to be dead.