UnSignpost:20120419
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Do- AAAAAA
Apr 19th, 2012 • Issue 102 + 82 • Fuck Xamralco and his deadlines!
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I am an extremely lazy person
 Hello, everybody. It's that guy that you see around here sometimes. I just want to apologize in advance for my unscrupleties and making up of the word "unscrupleties". I should probably redeem myself by covering something important that's happening on the site, like any responsible journalist would, but I'm not responsible or a journalist, so I'll just use this medium to complain about my life instead. I can't believe that slut Barbara broke up with me! We had something great, and she threw it all away for someone that actually "treated her like a person". Pfft! Women and their expectations! I don't even need them! Mrs. Right is all the company I will ever need. Speaking of dumb whores, my English teacher is making us read a book for homework! A book! What the hell is this? The seventeenth century? Nobody reads books anymore, because it's a complete waste of energy. Reading in general is a complete waste of energy. That's why after I write these rants, I never even bother to look over them, becase wy wuld i revew thus stuf whrn i alredy do it prfict the frst tyme? That's all from me! Though you may be wondering how anything I said here was at all useful to the signpost, I hope you can appreciate the lack of blood, sweat, and tears I put into this piece and remember that it's all for the good of Wikipedia. Oh, this isn't Wikipedia? My fucking GPS gave me the wrong directions AGAIN! Goddamn it! Now I'm all pissed. Thanks for reading, whoever you people are. Vote for 2 new
 In March, lots of things happened. Good old admins such as Lyrithya kinda left but she forgot her toothbrush behind so here's hoping we can convince her to come back when she claims it in our lost-and-found department. Meanwhile powerful vandals attacked while we experienced a cannonball shortage, Top-tier articles don't get featured in time, and bad articles don't get excecuted immedately when it has more than 5 votes on VFD, and there are tons to users with potential to become one of our furhers! So for great justice, Vote for our new furhers which will serve our regin and help us defeat fearsome vandals, feature our top-tier articles, and execute worthless articles! The eligible suspects are the following; What are you waiting for? Vote for our 2 new A day in the life of an Uncyclopedian
 As usual, I woke up in my bedroom. Yes, I did the usual: I ate my breakfast, which is Uncyclopedio's with toast, grape juice (I ran out of orange juice yesterday) and a nice cup of coffee. Then I showered and brushed my teeth, but not at the same time. Afterwards I put on my clothes, and headed straight to the Village Dump by the notoriously unreliable service that is the UTA Metro. At the Village Dump, I have a chat with the other fellow Uncyclopedians at a nice cafe called BHOP, where they sell cheerful pancakes with the words emblazoned, "Benson is better than you" on the plates. I saw a large counter in which the people count to a million, one by one. I thought to myself, by the time they reached a million, it would be 2020, or later. I contributed to the counter and... whoa, they'd gotten ahead 2,000 numbers since I'd left! Then I cleverly thought: maybe this forum is just a waste of time and I should try my newly acquired keyboard skills at writing something. After all, what good is it going to do to count to a million? So I decided to contribute to the Unsignpost. I left for work to write a new article for the Uncyclomedia Association (but the sign says "Cylon Ass" on its neon lights), which was a building made of leftover construction materials, concrete, tarpaulin and held with hope. And mostly hope, as about a year ago, the building crumbled killing over 300 people below it. The article was halfway complete from yesterday, so I manage to edit it. Unlike my boss, I can't destroy someone else's document, or put it in a file and call it "top secret". But I can make amends to documents, or even write a newer, better one. There was an IP by the name of 68.343.245.130. He seemed to be a nice guy at least, but his first work was rubbish, so I talked to him on how he can improve it. This had gone for hours, and by the time I had given feedback to at least five IPs, it was the end of my shift. I simply went back home by subway, had a hearty meal, and cried myself to sleep. This has been my routine everyday since. Pee Buddy Awards
 We have so much news in this bumper edition of UnSignpost we may start having to look at extending it to take over UnNews. In a completely unplanned and natural segue, while we are on the topic of UnNews, we have a new competition. Did you know that Uncyclopedia not only writes the news, we read it as well? In fact, to celebrate both of these amazing achievements, we are holding our very first (and possibly last) Pee Buddy Awards. The activity around this is indescribable. This is possibly because this UnSignpost was written before the competition started officially. But get writing and recording today - let's put a voice to the names we know and love. |
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