Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 12

August 12: Madonna Depreciation Day (Worldwide)

• 3 CE - The original Madonna writes an original song called Like a Prayer but is prevented from publishing it by an injunction filed by time-travelling lawyers.
• 1675 - The Vegetable Armistice is signed, ending the Great Tomato War.
• 1840 - Martin Van Buren is somehow re-nominated for the presidential election by the Democrats, despite being a pretentious douche and insisting on making lame genitalia jokes at passing squirrels.
• 1908 - First Model T Ford built. It faces stiff competition from the pirate-made Model R (pictured).
• 1921 - Joseph Lister invents Listerine, Craigslist and high society's A-list in quick succession.
• 1960 - Echo I, the first communications satellite, launched.
• 1960 - Echo I, the first communications satellite, launched.
• 1964 - English novelist Ian Fleming passes away when he is mistakenly served a vodka martini stirred, not shaken.
• 1983 - Contending that Madonna made an admission of being "over the borderline", coordinated Chinese People's Army and Air Force units attack her while she is on tour. Madonna fends off an estimated 5,000 troops for a week using a high heel and stale popcorn from her dressing room. She deftly uses lawyers in a flanking counterattack; unacceptable casualties cause the withdrawal of Chinese forces.
• 2005 - Madonna is sued for plagiarizing 4 notes for her song Frozen from poor, helpless Belgian songwriter Salvatore Acquaviva, who coincidentally has lots of lawyers for friends. During a concert in Werchter, Belgium, one of the lawyers accidentally falls onto the stage and Madonna bites his head off. She would later need treatment for rabies as a precaution.