Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 7

April 7: Hallucinate While Juggling Porcupines Day

• 65 million BCE - Raptor Jesus becomes extinct for your sins.
• 9 CE - General Publius Quinctilius Varus is showing off for his troops by juggling five porcupines at once when his distracted legions are attacked by Germanic tribesman in the Teutoborg Forest. Varus attempts to hide in a tiny cave but the now-angry porcupines turn on him and kill him. Upon hearing of the disaster, Emperor Augustus would exclaim, "Varus, give me back my legions and bring back real vaudeville!"
• 1067 - The first ever Battle of Hastings re-enactment is fought.
• 1544 - Queen Elizabeth I starts her famous celebrity gossip column in The Times.
• 1741 - The War of Jenkins' Ear spreads down to his legs.
• 1906 - Mt. Vesuvius erupts due to a bout of tectonic indigestion.
• 1954 - Jackie Chan is born and kung-fu kicks your mom in the delivery room.
• 1969 - The Beatles publish their greatest work, the Communist Manifesto.
• 1988 - Sheryl Crow breaks $15,000 worth of crockery with one wave of her baseball bat.
• 2004 - Mike Tyson gets beaten with a three-round TKO by Jaleel White. Vegas bookies go bankrupt after millions are bet on Erkel.
• 2007 - Every woman across Mozambique burns down her house in an act of defiance against the evil rule of Captain Birdseye.
• 2009 - Madonna adopts her 20th child from Africa after finally eating the previous one.