Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 11

April 11: National Backwards Helmet Day

• 48 - Holy Belly Button Lint is discovered in a ditch near Golgotha.
• 641 - Sliced bread is invented. It takes four days to properly slice a loaf.
• 642 - Toast is invented during a bakery fire. People like toast so much they set fire to more bakeries.
• 643 - The first slice of buttered toast is dropped on floor. This may also have been the invention of the Five Second Rule.
• 644 - The inventor of toast and sliced bread is burned at the stake for heresy and witchcraft as it is found that toast always falls buttered side down, contrary to the laws of God.
• 1492 - The first slice of jelly bread is thrown into someone's face. The Three Stooges are formed as a result.
• 1493 - First execution for accidentally throwing a slice of jelly bread into the face of the king.
• 1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a milkshake.
• 1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed; while lying devastated on the ground he hears the robber shouting victoriously "I drink your milkshake!" while running away.
• 1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next. The country is torn over whether to attack Poland or France, so they compromise and just invade both.
• 1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister.
• 1905 - Einstein publishes a book about his relative relationship with his sister and subsequently wins the Nobel prize.
• 1969 - Satan invents disco.
• 1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates Thomas the Tank Engine.
• 1999 - Rain of Tears memorial: there are mass suicides after the first showing of Gigli.
• 2009 - Somebody who actually cares for this holiday puts his helmet on backwards. His bike is immediately stolen because he can't see.