UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20131217

December 17^th, 2013 • Issue #196 • Archives • Press Room

Where is the UnSignpost?

No, it's not there.

Seriously, where is it?

Is it under your bed? Just look under it. Yeah, it's not there?! Right.

Where else can it be? Think! This problem should be solved! We cannot go on without the UnSignpost: it's like a vital part of our community or something.

It's hard to formulate thoughts, especially after the journalists stop formulating them for you.

Yeah, and where are the journalists, by the way? You're not a journalist, are you? Why are you not a journalist, then? Hey, it looks like you don't care about our site!

I mean, you are not supposed to, but this is at least something I can say. And this is what everyone says anyway. And a good newspaper should reflect people's opinion or something. And I don't think I can say something that I cannot say.

Or can I?!

Check under your bed again, it might be there now.

How would it get there?! Well, flyers can fly around, that's what they are made for. Oh, yes, maybe the UnSignpost flew away. That's an idea. Have you progressed in your research?

Life outside the Earth

Aliens!!!

What the headquarters of UnSignpost may look like in a few years time.

The UnSignpost journalists would like to report to you the lateness of the latest UnSignpost, it's retard, as a Frenchman would say. French people do not have anything to do neither with this UnSignost, nor with this article (unless the French are really the reason for everything being late), and this reference was inserted here for no reason. To conclude, we would like to point out that the regular lateness of the UnSignpost is not a funny topic and so, not to bore our audience to death, we won't say why it is late this time. Rather, we would like to talk about aliens, a possible cause of our laziness.

First of all, one of the UnSignpost Chief Editors, ScottPat, when reading random Uncyclopedia articles, spotted a UFO. Unfortunately, this happened about three months ago and so we cannot call it news.

However, in November, Spike noticed the arrival of three aliens (the first one is a French alien and the other two are from Israel). Spike did well to report this occurrence to the journalists because this saved him from a free ride on a French-Israeli UFO.

Several weeks later we noticed the appearance of two epic users: EpicWinner and Epicgenius. But we won't talk about them, as they are not aliens.

News?!

UnSignpost receives its own namespace

People expect that the new logo of UnSignpost will be displayed as the logo of the UnSignpost namespace soon.

As thousands of mourners crowded round the cenitaph in Whitehall today, Uncyclopedia too remembered those men who had died in their effort to liberate UnSignpost and grant them equal rights as a namespace of Uncyclopedia. Minutes of discussion and sitting back eating biscuits finally paid off as Users Puppy, Anton and slave labourer ScottPat pulled off their jumpers (it was a hot day) and the trick of deceiving wikia, to create the namespace that UnSignpost deserves.

"To think that our Founder's vision has finally been realised and that the ideas of freedom and liberty can now be spread around by a media company with no aim except to tell the story of the top-paying politician," commented Chief Editor Anton while he was writing out a statement for UnSignpost's latest legal case and adding a few more zeroes on the expected shares growth prediction for the newspaper.

UnSignpost itself congratulated itself - mainly because no one else did - by unveiling a statue of Nobody, the UnSignpost's favourite writer. When we interviewed Chief Editor ScottPat he fought back the tears to mention "If Nobody had been here, Nobody would have appreciated this event entirely. As it was I was here and I appreciate it a lot." The statue was later taken down thanks to planning permition regulations and can now be found lying on its side somewhere in the Midlands deliberately blocking the path where the HS2 rail line will run.

What will become of the UnSignpost? Will it now be able to overtake its rival, UnNews and become the greater of the two Government controlled media services or will it simply get ripped apart by revolutionaries and people who want to actually get proper news? Who knows (Nobody does!)!

VFH

VFH Nominations and Features

Top Feature of the week

Cleopatra (7.5/0)

Top VFH Nominations

Bonus: 2 Interviews

From User_talk:PuppyOnTheRadio

The new UnSignpost journalists have found out a 2011 UnSignpost article about you and we now have some questions:

Do you really have issues?
Do you really smoke fungus? Or only sandwiches?
How did the UnSignpost influence your entire life?

Anton (talk) 18:36, November 12, 2013 (UTC)

- I don't know if I would say I have issues. The fact that I now have an improved version of that image as the lock screen on my phone means nothing.
- I said on my craigslist entry that I was a smokin', fun guy. Chief took it out of context. The bit about mucus was accurate though.
- Thomas Jefferson once wrote Our liberty depends on the freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited without being lost. And no publication can be cheaper than the UnSignpost.

- - Although in having said that, we are limited, so I would suggest that we create more copies of the latest UnSignpost.
  - And maybe start replacing all the pages we have here with the UnSignpost.
  - And create a bot that will keep creating copies of it.
  - And go to other wikis and start creating copies of it there
  - And create a self-replicating virus that creates copies of it elsewhere once the Wikia servers crash under the load!
  - And print off as many copies as we can and distribute them around our local vicinity!
  - And then travel to other towns, cities and hamlets and distribute them there!!
  - And we should all learn how to be tattoo-ists, and tattoo copies of it on ourselves!!!
  - And we shouls all start kidnapping bank tellers and traffic policepersons and tattoo copies of it on them!!!!
  - And we should burn the bill of rights and replace it with a copy of the USP!!!!!
  - And then the USP can take over the world!!!!! And my Sigmund Freud with a sausage can be everywhere!!!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
- Sorry, what was the question about issues again? • Puppy's talk page • 08:21 pm 12 Nov 2013

Let's put it like this: do you have the UnSignpost issues? Anton (talk) 20:24, November 12, 2013 (UTC)

Oh. Yeah, in the corner. Under the Anarchists handbook, the Satanic verses and the 23 copies of Catcher in the rye. • Puppy's talk page • 08:30 pm 12 Nov 2013

Bonus: 2 Interviews

From User talk:Simsilikesims

Journalist:Simsie, would you like to be called administress? Anton (talk) 15:11, October 31, 2013 (UTC)
No, because I was under the impression that administrator is a unisex term. Besides, administress just sounds odd. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 08:33, November 1, 2013 (UTC)

Some odd user Oh... can I be called a useress?
On second thought, admistress does have a nice ring to it. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 13:52, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
Adminatrix? • Puppy's talk page • 02:07 01 Nov 2013
Journalist: Adminecraft?
Nah, tried Minecraft once, but just ended up digging myself into a hole. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 14:35, November 2, 2013 (UTC)
When you were a child, did you wish to become a user on Uncyclopedia? Anton (talk) 18:04, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
When I was a child, the internet as we know it did not yet exist; TCP/IP protocols had not been standardized and the internet was not publicly available. However, I did like the idea of becoming an author, and even wrote one children's book of my own when I was in grade school. Well ok, I ripped off the first half of the story, then made up the second half because I couldn't remember the rest of the story. There was also another one I wrote, but that one wasn't much good. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 18:45, November 1, 2013 (UTC)
Journalist: You mean that I do not know when the Internet was invented?! I really do: it was during the second half of the 18th century!

Concerning the books, did you ask anyone to read them? Anton (talk) 10:24, November 2, 2013 (UTC)

Passing Star Trek Fan: Let me guess, Journalist: Invented by a team of Russian scientists. Just outside Leningrad. Spıke Ѧ 12:41 2-Nov-13
Passing Futuristic Looking Russian:I am looking for a nuclear wessel although apparently Russians can actually say nuclear vessel and that it is Romans who can't but this is an American stereotype of a European nation so give it a bit of leniancy. Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 14:17, November 2, 2013 (UTC)

Will a gasoline and oil-burning model with a "Star Fleet Academy" sticker on it do? I'll trade it to you in exchange for a brand new model. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 14:32, November 2, 2013 (UTC)

Journalist: Would you sell it to me for free? Anton (talk) 19:01, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
F.O.B. Seattle, I reckon. (Translation: Come and get it.) Spıke Ѧ 19:10 5-Nov-13
Afraid not - it has sentimental value - I've had it for 18 years. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 19:12, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
Journalist: It also has a sentimental value for me. I've dreamed of it for 18 years. Anton (talk) 19:14, November 5, 2013 (UTC)
Well, if your dream is to spend more than it is worth in salvage value on maintenance, I'll keep you in mind next time I can afford a replacement. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 23:18, November 5, 2013 (UTC)

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