UnNews:Wisconsin receives its first ever African-American visitor
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 01:45:59 (UTC) |
| Wisconsin receives its first ever African-American visitor | 
|
21 February 2008
EAU CLAIRE, Wisconsin-- In what appears to be an isolated incident, a black non-athlete visited the state of Wisconsin last week while campaigning for President.
"This was truly shocking," said a Wisconsin citizen. "I mean, I've seriously NEVER seen a black dude that wasn't in a jersey before."
When asked what impression he got from this visitor, he replied, "Well, I was kinda confused, you know? I mean, we call 'em black people, but they're actually a light brown. Weird, right?"
UnNews managed to catch up with the visitor, who turned out to be Democratic frontrunner Barack Obama. Shaking hands and smiling genially at the shocked crowd, the black man was quickly turned into state news. While visiting the state's beautiful Democratic headquarters, the Senator received a trophy and plaque and made a comment to 100,000 anxious white Wisconsin...onians.
"What...uh...what's going on?" he asked in opening, receiving wild cheers. Tears streamed down white cheeks as the black Senator made what may have been the most rousing speech of his political career, which focused on such sentimental topics as "What did I do to deserve this trophy" and "I'm sure there have been other black people here in the past that didn't play some sort of sport professionally, like businessmen or salesmen. How about janitors? Truckers? Seriously. I can't be the only one."
Wisconsin mayor Bahb White reported that he greatly enjoyed the non-buffed-out brother's visit and looked forward to many more in the state's future.
Sources[edit]
- Martin Buber "He's not only black, he's magical!". Zionist Powermongers Quarterly, Feburary 26, 2008