UnNews:Whaling Clinical Data Announced
| Straight talk, from straight faces | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 03:02:59 (UTC) |
| Whaling Clinical Data Announced | 
|
10:58 January 21, 2006
Clinical data obtained in trials examining the effects of whale-originated prescriptions on humans have recently been released. The study has produced positive results necessitating future whaling. Professor Junichiro Yamanashi from the tuna foundation has been over seeing the trials in Japan. “ So far our data has shown and produced positive results“ said Professor Yamanashi
Professor Yamanashi’s research that commenced 35 years ago has focused on the effects of ingested whale. Professor Yamanashi’s justifies the research saying “Recent results have show that those who ingested whale have a 100% higher survival rate then those who don’t eat anything” These damming figures coupled with the test subjects enthusiasm have spurred on the study on, and the threat of whales to naval vessels further necessitates the research . “We saw a problem and sort a solution, whales cause thousands of dollars of damage every year to innocent naval vessels.”
Although it hasn’t always been smooth sailing for professor Yamanashi, Many years ago the government cut back funding forcing the trails to source funds via alternative methods. “We have been forced to ask our very own test subjects for support, who we now rely on to continue our research, I felt humiliated but I feel these latest results have vindicated me” Professor Yamanashi has said that those interested in joining the trials can apply online through ebay.
Sources[edit]
- Anonymous "Whaling". Uncyclopedia, 12:17 January 12, 2007
- Anonymous "Greenpeace". Uncyclopedia, 12:17 January 12, 2007