UnNews:UnNews moves offshore
| Straight talk, from straight faces | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Saturday, July 27, 2024, 16:35:59 (UTC) |
| UnNews moves offshore | 
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21 December 2014
WIKIA CITY, California -- UnNews officials confirmed that, effective at the New Year, its headquarters will relocate to a new corporate suite in sunny Chihuahua, Mexico.
The property has already been arranged, an open-space office facility on Avenida de los Insurgentes near Leon Trotsky with attractive rough-hewn wood decor with black trim (see illustration). The building formerly served as a furniture store and was a notorious site of a rare episode of extortion not involving the local police.
UnNews publisher Morris Greeley denied that the move was prompted by its plans to hire a 50th worker, which would include it in the health-care mandates of recent U.S. law. "Benefits was not a consideration," said Greeley. "We hire young and sack at the first onset of grey hair."
Greeley emphasized that a news agency providing comedy content to "the cloud" has unusual freedom to locate anywhere in the world. Chihuahua recommended itself with its sunny, dry climate, the easy availability of dial-up modems to reach the Internet, the ease of surviving daily power outages through uninterruptible power supplies, and the availability of local labor for private security forces to keep all of the above from being stolen in broad daylight, except when they get paid off to cooperate. Chihuahua is also unique in that beer is delivered to one's door, and "tax" collectors come to the taxpayer as well. A local minimum wage of about $8 per day was a further inducement.
"I am impressed at the hospitality and look forward to hosting meetings here with other departments of Uncyclopedia," Greeley said, provided they successfully negotiate procedures at the national border. Mayor Javier Garfio Pacheco seemed unaware of the new business moving to his city, but promised this reporter a first-class tour of Chihuahua, which will undoubtably begin as soon as his aides show up.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |