UnNews:US voting to remain voluntary

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Where man always bites dog ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 16:40:59 (UTC)
US voting to remain voluntary UnNews Logo Potato.png

20 March 2015

These citizens of Lima, Peru are traveling to the polls. Peru finds that marching voters to the "urns" at gunpoint produces civility and prosperity, at least compared to Paraguay.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Obama has clarified his apparent call for voting to become mandatory.

White House spokesman "Josh" "Earnest" said, "The President was not making a policy prescription." He noted that the President was not even wearing a white smock, nor dispensing pills, and there was no counter display nearby with ribbed condoms.

At a "town hall" meeting in the small "town" of Cleveland on Wednesday, Mr. Obama had told supporters that it would be "transformative" if every American were forced to vote. In 2008, he promised it would be "transformative" to elect him, and indeed no one knew that America could transform a bank crisis into a complete repeat of the Jimmy Carter "national malaise."

Many of America's 100 million people claiming permanent disability, editing wikis, or having better things to do than work, still stubbornly believe that voting is not one of them — either to vote themselves more free stuff or to pick very inspiring Republican alternatives, such as yet another Bush. Mr. Obama told the crowd that mandatory voting was better than a total repeal of the First Amendment to focus power toward "people who my son would look like, if I had one." The Koch Brothers applauded Mr. Obama's "gentler" alternative to his other alternative, as they once put forward Obama-care as better than the Hillary Clinton proposal of the day — to make health care a federal crime. Sadly, records of those days were not stored on Mrs. Clinton's private email server in her basement.

Sen. Marco Rubio of Florida slammed Mr. Obama's idea, saying that skipping an election is a form of free speech, which he hopes to encourage by placing his own name on the ballot.

The last time Mr. Obama made an apparent "policy prescription" that had to be walked back, it was his declaration of a red line regarding the conduct of the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt. The clarification — that it was not Mr. Obama who drew the line, but "the world community" — was not announced by Mr. "Earnest" but by his predecessor, Joe Isuzu.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:US_voting_to_remain_voluntary&oldid=6172928"