UnNews:Trump infected, Biden asleep
| The news outlet with approval higher than Congress | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 13:13:59 (UTC) |
| Trump infected, Biden asleep | 
|
4 October 2020
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump is taking on the evil Coronavirus directly at the source. He has volunteered to catch it to prove that it can be beaten out of the park.
The President's heroic decision to risk his own life and that of others to protect America from the Chinese virus shows his commitment to win this battle. Meanwhile, his opponent, Joe Biden, hides in his bunker and his Democratic Party cohorts spit in the face of patriots (though wearing masks). This proves that the November 3 election is America's last Great Chance Saloon. All summer, Trump had prepared for this battle with Covid, playing regular games of golf to improve his scores. Before heading into the hospital, Trump (via a video) addressed the American people directly.
| “ | (edit)...*cough*...Am I on live? Is Sean Hannity watching?? (edit)...and that's why I am going to win against this Chinese hoax and *wheeze* | ” |
Trump's doctors are convinced there is nothing to worry about. They said the President had the body and constitution of a 70-year-old Olympic athelte and is "very much wide awake" and watching his ratings. They contrasted Trump's battle with the virus with Biden, who has to sleep 23 hours a day and gets a drug boost to go out, wave his hand around, and talk gibberish.
Medical experts have promised to provide a further update once they have tried out a few more experimental drugs with the patient and themselves. A special order of extra-strong bleach was not asked for but anonymous donors sent some in anyway.
Sources[edit]
- Staff "President Trump's medical team". CNN, October 04, 2020