UnNews:Too many pigs in petrol-starved Britain

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Where man always bites dog UnNews Thursday, January 20, 2022, 13:46:59 (UTC)

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9 October 2021

Too many of pigs?

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British farmers are warning that pig production is in an oversupply crisis. The inability to find enough qualified abattoir workers in the United Kingdom has meant that many pigs are not heading for market. Instead, they are being slaughtered at home and their bodies thrown on to bonfires. Others can't make the journey as Britain has a petrol shortage and private motorists have taken every last drop of fuel.

The pig breeders claim the government of Prime Minister Boaris Johnson has ignored the situation for the past year and instead has worked on his political comedy routine. Now farms have so many pigs that they are in danger of getting overrun by them.

Speaking at Animal Farm, a blue-ribbon winner named Napoleon blamed humans for the problems.

"The British love their bacon and pork sausages, but you need people who know how to cut the meat. As a former menu item, I can speak from experience. Pigs have feelings too. You can't just let amateurs be let loose with saws and sharp knives to do the business."

Johnson, speaking at the Ministry of Pork, admitted there was a problem but said that he was working on it.

Will pigs replace petrol at British filling stations?

"Look, pigs die at the end of the day anyway. I am hoping British expertise will find a way of using excess pork to somehow turn it into diesel and petrol to feed into the tankers. If I weren't so busy being funny, I would do this job, but that is why I have a cabinet. Come on chaps and chapesses, find a solution!"

Rumours are that the government will appoint Peppa Pig as an expert advisor.