UnNews:Tom Hanks's hairiest fan goes that extra 8,000 miles across the Pacific

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4 February 2014

'Better than Tom Hanks'.

EBON ATOLL, MARSHALL ISLANDS --

Tom Hanks's fan Jose Ivan has taken fan worship to another level with his-remake of Cast Away with him in the title role. The filming which took Ivan 16 months complete but took a heavy toll on his co-star 'Wilsona', passing turtles and exhausted sea birds who were re-used as food to keep the bearded wanderer going.

Ivan looked remarkably well after his ordeal as he anchored his boat at Ebon Atoll. He said it was a tough acting job to take on - beating Christian Bale and Glenn Close - for the much coveted role.

Glenn Close:beard fail.

The movie took me longer than I expected. All the time I kept thinking 'you should be here Tom' as I drifted across the Pacific Ocean. I am proud for what I have done and for my country. This will be Mexico's first Oscar winning film. I hope Salma Hayek will appear with me in my sequel - Jose Crusoe and Woman Everyday.

Not everyone is convinced that Jose is telling the truth. Suggestions include that he is a fantasist or that he was fleeing his home country after a row with his family. So far no film has been discovered or clue how Ivan managed to stay sane for so long with only mermaids to talk to. However, Tom Hanks said he would like to meet his biggest fan and talk about 'beards'.


Sources[edit]

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