UnNews:South Carolina renounces slavery, again
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| South Carolina renounces slavery, again | 
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10 July 2015
COLUMBIA, South Carolina -- The South Carolina legislature has voted to take down the Confederate flag from the State House, where it has flown for half a century.
The black community had argued, in the wake of Dylann Roof's murder of nine worshippers in an all-black church (allegedly) that it was an appropriate and effective response to the problems of poverty, broken homes, and rampant criminality to act against a flag. Mr. Roof posed with a Confederate flag before his shooting rampage (allegedly), proving that the flag stood for nothing else except imminent gun massacres. Social scientists believe that the removal of the flag should put an end to the epidemic (allegedly) of massacres of black people by white racists, and possibly the epidemic of church burnings.
Governor Nikki Haley, who has been discussed for the Presidency when a lot of time passes between her official actions, will walk the tightrope between black activists and fans of the state's history by "tastefully" lowering the flag at 10:00 a.m. today and moving it to the Confederate Military Museum. Legislators agreed to the move in a compromise bill that authorizes a multi-million-dollar Confederate Flag Shrine to be built with union labor and politically connected contractors after all the fuss dies down.
Interns at various television networks, not to be outdone, are combing social media for posts involving the U.S. flag that might also be linked to a crime spree (allegedly) and not just history, military service, and heroism. Indeed, as the Confederate flag was lowered, a protest developed across the street that the "Stars and Stripes" must be next to go. Groups from Hollywood stars to felons, the latter often stereotyped and stigmatized by their wearing of stripes, referred to the national flag as an equally "hurtful" symbol. A large group of "undocumented" "dreamers" chanted that the Mexican flag should occupy the empty flagpole, while representatives of ISIS claimed that hoisting its own flag might avoid unnecessary bloodshed.
Republican Gov. Haley told NBC, "No one should ever drive by the State House and feel pain," as black people do (allegedly) any time they see a reminder that they were not always able to jump in front of white people for government jobs. Gov. Haley would not commit to extend her campaign against pain so far as to waive the payment of all state taxes.
Sources[edit]
- Jeffrey Collins and Meg Kinnard "South Carolina's Confederate flag comes down Friday". Associated Press, July 10, 2015