UnNews:Single-player card game said to be in works

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31 January 2022

Five cards from an early prototype of the new game, which had 65 game pieces, before a cost-reduction phase.

GDANSK, Poland -- Trade reports say that a single-player card game is under development here.

The developer is videogame maker CD Projekt. Its head of communications confirmed that the new game will be based on the card game GWENT (The Witcher), in an email to Reuters that Senior UnNews Editors fished out of the Recycle Bin.

Executive Pawel Burza said the game will premiere this year, but could not confirm the release date.

The company will have to confront the massive technical problem of manufacturing the 52 game pieces, each with a different front surface but identical on the rear surface. These cards will comprise four "suits," one of which may be the Trump suit.

Former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst, in happier and more beautiful times before hitting the pavement.

A major development obstacle for the new game is writing the rules. The specification must be precise, otherwise "variants" of the game will crop up in many different regions. This could lead to arguments at family reunions, with relatives accusing one another of making moves that are illegal "back home."

UnNews has learned that two of the cards have an image of a king with a weapon aimed at his own head. This is sure to be controversial and delay the release even further. Uncyclopedia almost unanimously opposes suicide and urges any reader contemplating it after reading this paragraph to contact the National Suicide Prevention Center at 1-800-DONT-JUMP and not wind up like that beauty queen. Or at least jump from the second floor and not the 60th.

The working title for the game is "Solitaire," but company lawyers are already wrestling with trademark issues.

Reuters states that shares in CD Projekt are valued at 180 zlotys (or zloties).

Sources[edit]

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