UnNews:Seed of Life found by gardener

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18 February 2015

God should have fed Seed of Life less manure

NORFOLK, England -- A sparrow-eyed gardener has discovered the “Seed of Life” while digging a parsnip bed at his allotment. Seventy-eight-year-old Bert Smith, after a lifetime of working with cabbages and vegetables, offered God some tips on how to grow pagan metaphors more successfully.

“This sort of thing is not just trowel and error,” Bert said. “He planted the vesica piscis, from which all life springs, just a week too early and in the wrong topsoil. This stuff's better for growing parsnips, cabbages and gingers. He totally forked up the soil in June with lightning, too. It should really have been mulched.”

The Seed of Life, a symbol of the New Age community, is formed from seven circles being placed with sixfold symmetry, which act as a basic component of the Flower of Life's design. The Seed of Life is also related to the Fruit of Life, the Tree of Life, the Egg of Life and the Bacon of Life.

To your average allotment gardener though, the Seed of Life is just a bulb; and that’s shallot.

“The billion-year onslaught of catastrophic lightning storms, tree shredding winds and mountain shattering volcanos eventually got it germinating,” said Bert, “but he could have used a seed tray in a small greenhouse. That way, it only takes four weeks and leaves your continent intact.”

Bert’s gardening skills have been passed down twelve generations from his ancestor, gardener Bert Smith. Bert Smith Sr was notorious for making furniture out of plants for the village fete one year. Apparently, the bed of roses was a very thorny issue.

The Science community is also not too enthralled with the discovery of directed pan-spermia — when life was sent to Earth — because this means it's either aliens, evening the score with the Sci Fi paranoids; or it’s God, in which they will be fired, then fried. (Sorry, smitten.) They are rooting for God.

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