UnNews:Rebecca Black crashes Twitter, disrupts Libyan war

Where man always bites dog

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UnNews

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Thursday, November 21, 2024, 16:02:59 (UTC)

21 March 2011

Possibly mentally-handicapped hopeful pop-star, or malicious cyber terrorist?

ANAHEIM HILLS, California -- It's been over a week since music video of hopeful future pop sensation Rebecca Black jumped from a couple thousand views, to several million overnight. The song has achieved unusual levels of notoriety for its simplistic lyrics, completely auto-tuned vocals, and being widely accepted as the worst song ever written.

The song takes place on a Friday, and in one verse, Black demonstrates her below-par grasp on the sequence of days in the week: "Yesterday was Thursday... Today it is Friday... Tomorrow is Saturday, And Sunday comes afterward." Based on those lyrics, one would logically have to assume that Black then believes the week goes right back to Friday, and the sequence continues in a strange 4-day week for all of eternity. This theory was proven correct this morning, when the date changed from Sunday, March 20th, to Monday, March 21st.

Black tweeted shortly after midnight that she was "confused. What day is it?"

Twitter exploded with sarcastic retweets of the post, and even experienced a short period of time between 12:30 and 12:35 where the Twitter servers crashed. During those five minutes, no one was able to post tweets or read tweets, which was a potentially catastrophic event for the freedom fighters in Libya.

Allied forces were in the process of choreographing a three-pronged attack plan with the Libyan Revolutionaries to swiftly retake the capital city of Tripoli, seize Gaddafi's palace, and capture the dictator, all of which was being planned on Twitter. The strange decision to plan such a vital assault via Twitter was made when allies received an anonymous tip that Muammar Gaddafi does not believe in the use of Twitter, and forbids his followers from utilizing it, a terrible decision in hindsight.

The crash did only last for five minutes, but the United Nations has already announced its intention to launch an investigation into Black's family history, in order to determine if she is actually a Gaddafi sympathizer posing as a tween wannabe pop-star, and was using her temporary popularity on the internet to intentionally crash the Twitter servers, and cripple the Libyan Revolutionaries.