UnNews:Random arab discovers oil
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Saturday, December 21, 2024, 16:39:59 (UTC) |
| Random arab discovers oil | 
|
30 July 2008
IRAQ -- A random Arab, believed to be called Abdull Nasir Ahmed Jasar Mohammed Mascara Achmed Obamada Barackbu Nascar Akbar hu Georgebar Bushdul Ghengis Mohammadkhan Albrett Farvebar Al Blinky-blink Ibin Fiddlinmuchbuk, has discovered a large oil reserve next to his cave whilst digging a cess pit. Abdull stated;
"I was digging a new shit hole for me, my family and goats when all of of a sudden, oil poured out of a hole. I couldn't believe it! I began to praise Allah and shout the traditional Arabic word to express happiness or joy: 'Popcorn!'".
Meanwhile, in the Presidents office, the 'Oil Found' light began to flash and Mr Bush jumped into action; followed by Team America. He immediately mobilized the entire US Army, Navy, and 4-H Club to seize Abdull, his oil, and his goats. Abdull said that;
"Soon after discovering the oil, I heard the beating of Black Hawk helicopter rotors. I knew what they had came for. I ran for my RPG and AK-47 to defend myself. I also called the Taliban hotline for US insurgencies. They were helpful in telling me how to defend myself. I used my family as a shield, and protected my goats."
However, Abdull did not last long and the Americans soon over-ran his bunker. He is now living happily in Guantanamo Bay, along with his goats. The Americans seized the oil for their own use.
The Public Relations Minister for the President told an UnNews reporter to;
"Fuck off, it's our oil!".
Our reporter was then blown up by a nuclear missile.
Sources[edit]
- Jizzo "Oil Everywhere". Cosmo, August 13, 1999
- Abdul Achmed Mehmet Mohammed Jew Abdullah Osama Mahmoud "How to defend yourself and your goats from the infidels". Cosmo, April 7, 2004