UnNews:Queen regrets the colonies that got away

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

We distort, you deride UnNews Thursday, November 21, 2024, 13:56:59 (UTC)

Queen regrets the colonies that got away UnNews Logo Potato.png

26 July 2006



Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Queen Elizabeth II, wondering what Aden's been up to lately.


LONDON, Wales -- Queen Elizabeth II said Tuesday she "regrets" breaking up with Great Britain's colonial possessions.

"As I stand before my Lords, I am reminded of the words of the poet," the Queen told Parliament in her Speech From the Throne. "'Ever since this world began/There is nothing sadder than/A one-realm monarch/Looking for the lands/The lands that got away.' This is as true today as it was then."

Since Elizabeth assumed the throne in 1952, the United Kingdom has parted with its territories in Africa, Asia and the Caribbean. The Queen, who once insisted that the break-ups were "good for everyone," now attributes the decolonisation process to "youthful willfulness."

"I suppose I was trying to find out who I was," the Queen has told her aides. "I wanted to be a constitutional monarch, not an empress. That led to some tough choices. Malaysia was really wonderful. But I thought I needed someone who wasn't so independent. I wish I hadn't pushed it away."

Go to the Front Page
UnNews Senior Editors are currently inserting left-wing bias into this related article:

Queen Elizabeth changes mind on democracy thing

Prince Phillip, the Duke of Edinburgh and the Queen's Consort, says Elizabeth now spends hours in her room, looking over photo albums and red-inked maps.

"She's come down with a bit of nostalgia," Phillip said. "The other day, she asked me if we should call Kenya and see how it was doing. Frankly, I don't think Kenya wants to talk, not after the ugly way they parted."

In the last week, Elizabeth has written long letters to Barbados and Zambia, telling their heads of state she wants to "catch up." Letters addressed to Ceylon have been returned.

"Life would have been so very different if we continued together," the Queen said. "Richer, I suppose. But maybe it was best we went our separate ways. I'm glad I got out of that relationship with Southern Rhodesia. It had a lot of problems."

Reaction from the former colonies has been mixed. While Jamaican Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller has not returned any of the Queen's e-mails, Botswanan President Festus Mogae called her late Tuesday, and the two chatted long into the night. At a press conference Wednesday, Mogae said they were trying to find a good day to do lunch.

"We went through some difficult times, and sometimes I felt I gave more to Great Britain than it gave to me," Mogae said. "But that was decades ago. I prefer to remember the good times."

Sources[edit]

UnNews Logo Potato.png
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.