UnNews:Names removed from Kentucky marriage licenses

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 15:19:59 (UTC)
Names removed from Kentucky marriage licenses UnNews Logo Potato.png

23 December 2015

Governor Bevin appears here in his official photograph.

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky -- Governor Matt Bevin ordered county clerks' names removed from state marriage license forms, following the notorious episode where Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis went to jail for five days rather than sign an application by two homosexuals, saying it would violate her "sincerely held religious beliefs."

The newly elected Bevin, only the second Republican Governor of Kentucky since 1971, had promised to change the forms. "To honor the beliefs of all Kentuckians, I took action to revise the clerk marriage license form," Bevin said in a statement, which he did not sign, but we believe it is from him.

Apostolic Christian authorities state that, while issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples will still violate church doctrine, individual clerks will be held harmless because their name does not appear on the certificate and so there is no way to tell that they did any such thing. Ms. Davis has been having her Deputy Clerk sign marriage licenses so that it is not she who is making the decision for the office that she runs.

The Governor's decree also removes from the certificate the names of the two prospective spouses (Spouse A and Spouse B), as well as the lettering stating, "CERTIFICATE OF MARRIAGE." Kentucky becomes the first U.S. state where, upon payment of a fee and submission of the results of a blood test, couples receive a blank piece of paper. More problematic for young lovers is the fact that Ms. Davis has also taken her name and title off the door of the County Clerk's office, so that neither homosexual nor heterosexual applicants know where to go to file for their blank certificate.

Ms. Davis briefly met with Pope Francis in September, shortly after being released from jail, though the Pope's handlers insist the two only discussed recipes for plum preserves and embroidery designs and the Pope in no way endorsed her protest, and in fact it might have been a Deputy Pope in the meeting rather than the Pope himself.

Mat Staver, a lawyer for Ms. Davis, called the Governor's action "a wonderful Christmas gift," as it lets Ms. Davis retain her office but avoid being at fault for the actions the office takes. Unnamed officials with the American Civil Liberties Union said the Governor's move "adds to the cloud of uncertainty," as state law still requires the name of the Clerk to appear on the licenses. Ms. Davis had appealed to the previous Governor, Democrat Steve Beshear, but he said he could not relieve County Clerks of their duties under the law. The Supreme Court dumped the part of the law that requires one applicant to be a man and the other a woman, spawning the current dilemma, while retaining for now the ban on filing jointly with one's sister, Golden Retriever, or motorcycle.

But Governor Bevin promised a return to the Rule of Law, and personal responsibility. He said that the money saved on ink and toner may enable a tax cut in 2016, and vowed to move forward with the same philosophy the next time the law books are due to be reprinted.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Names_removed_from_Kentucky_marriage_licenses&oldid=6179928"