UnNews:Musk buys Uncyclopedia, removes admins

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 11:49:59 (UTC)
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21 April 2023

The new King of Uncyclopedia also plans to send the site to the moon so that the aliens can have some source of badly written comedy.

SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Tesla and SpaceX owner Elon Musk has bought Uncyclopedia for $10 and two sausage rolls. His first act as the new CEO was to remove all current admins from their positions and to install a new subscription service to those who pay $8 a month, who will be granted admin powers and also get a fancy blue check mark next to their username.

All former admins have now been demoted to just member, with a select few also keeping their autopatrolled status. These editors will also not have any form of indication that they were ever sysops, as Musk also plans to scrub all edit histories prior to his ownership due to his commitment to make Uncyclopedia a total free-speech environment, in which he plans to make the site seem like it never existed before he bought it so that he can once again take the full credit to something he has only just funded.

"I was just scrolling Recent Changes and about to ban a vandal," one former sysop stated. "And that's when I realized I no longer had the option to ban the user after he left a message on my new article's talk page saying that it was 'crap' and 'unfunny'."

"I'm not paying eight dollars a month for a role that I had for free for years," one senior admin stated. "Who does he think we are? I don't have that kind of money to spend!"

Musk has also fired UnNews editor-in-chief Morris Greeley after reports that all articles published by the news outlet have been "completely false" and "made up". Greeley denies these accusations, but continues to be out of a job, as Musk also plans on only promoting "reliable news sources."

These new Uncyclopedia changes are expected to bring a new wave of visitors to the "content-free encyclopedia" — that is, if anyone is able to Google it, as Musk does not want to pay any more money (or sausage rolls) to blackmail promote uncyclopedia.com in the search results, perhaps over the Wikipedia article on it.

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