UnNews:Mugabe "lets them eat cake"

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28 February 2016

Mugabe demonstrates that the key to never facing opposition in an election is impeccable table manners, though death squads also come in handy.

MASVINGO, Zimbabwe -- President Robert Mugabe marked his 92nd birthday here by throwing an $800,000 party in a drought-stricken area. The move was panned as "an affront to ordinary Zimbabweans" by critics — none of whom were ordinary Zimbabweans, who know better.

The party was attended by members of the ruling ZANU-PF party, the ZANU-PF youth wing, and thousands of ZANU-PF supporters, who sang songs hailing Mugabe as a visionary icon. The President, who has been in office for the entire 35 years of Zimbabwe's independence, ate a cake shaped like the ancient ruins for which Zimbabwe was named, rather than the modern ruins it has become.

Masvingo has lost 75% of its maize crop to drought, and some of the ZANU-PF officials jockeying to be in the right place if Mugabe should keel over rather than stage yet another show election, whispered that some of the $800,000 would have been better spent importing food to avert imminent starvation. Mugabe, however, said that the party was the best thing for the drought, as the punch bowl was also of historic proportions.

Mugabe has appealed for $1,600 million of foreign aid, which would take the place of the previous batch that got diverted to fund his personal protective services. However, he said Western countries insisted that Zimbabwe accept gay marriages, an unacceptable condition that would render the aid "rotten and filthy."

No aid organization is known to have attached such a condition to assistance, but these days, one can hardly blame Mugabe for thinking they had. Sadly, everyone who knows how to adapt to a drought has either emigrated, been killed, or is in prison for the crime of Farming While White.

International observers said that such a spectacle of devoted followers deliriously praising a leader despite a spotty past and policies for the future sure to be lethal to the extent that anyone can pin them down, could never happen in the West — neither in the Republican nor the Democratic Party.

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