UnNews:Mitch Hedberg celebrates birthday, in heaven.
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 03:23:59 (UTC) |
| Mitch Hedberg celebrates birthday, in heaven. | 
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24 February 2007
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NIRVANA, Heaven -- UnNews has learned that deceased comedic genius Mitch Hedberg has been allowed to enter heaven and perform his routine for not only those souls that have been saved, but also the angels and even God himself.
Hedberg was reached for comment with the help of respected psychic and biggest douche in the universe, John Edward. "Mr. Hedberg wants the world to know that, yes, he has been allowed to enter the pearly gates to entertain the saved," announced Edward.
Hedberg then began speaking through Edward. "Hey man. What? I'm talking out of a douche? This sucks. I'll never do this shit again."
When asked about the afterlife, Hedberg had this to say, "I was waiting outside the pearly gates, And St. Peter said to me, 'look man you're not on the list. You're going to have to wait outside.' and I said 'hey Pete, when you take a smoke break, do you take it outside the pearly gates? Cause my girlfriend, used to make me smoke outside our apartment, it sucked man.' So then Pete opened the pearly gates, we shared a blunt, and he let me come back in with him. I like Pete. He's cool man."
Sources[edit]
- "Mitch Hedberg". Wikipedia, February 20, 2007
See also, Mitch Hedberg.