UnNews:Meg and Demi return for leeches!
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| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:14:59 (UTC) |
| Meg and Demi return for leeches! | 
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26 May 2009
LONDON, Air Strip One -- The case of Meg March-Brooks, who had fled a court order for medically sanctioned leeches for her sonb Demi, has taken a new turn. The pair have returned, voluntarily, of course. A vacuously smiling Meg was led to the reporters just moments ago, to deliver this statement,
| “ | I agree that my faith was wrong, I agree that leeches are the best for my Demi, I agree that bed rest and plenty of fluids for a fever are harmful, I agree that citizens should not resist the judgement of doctors who are infallible. I want to comply with the court order. I want to keep Demi. I want you to let me keep Demi. I have won the war against myself. I love Big Brother. | ” |
It's believed that Meg Brookes was picked up by the Thought Police a couple of days ago, while she and her son were on their way to California. The persuasive methods of the Ministry of Love's Room 101, not to mention the shock of finding her 19th century New England self in 20th century Oceania, were believed to be key in convincing her of the justness of the state.
When asked how he felt, young Demi only screamed, "Eurasian traitor! Agent of Goldstein!", before firing a projectile from his slingshot at the reporter.
Poor young Demi is clearly confused by his illness. Eurasia is actually our ally, we are at war with Eastasia. We've always been at war with Eastasia.
Sources[edit]
- Staff "Parents agree to chemo for boy who fled". Associated Press, May 26, 2009