UnNews:Jordan executions mark first-ever ISIS gaffe

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5 February 2015

ISIS published this unrealistic re-creation of the pilot's death, hoping it would not troll the Jordanian Air Force into a ruinous retaliation.

AMMAN, Jordan -- ISIS burned captured Jordanian pilot Muath Al-Kaseasbeh to death in a cage, according to a video released Tuesday. He had been captured by ISIS in December when his F-16 crashed.

Evidence suggests that the gruesome killing occurred even before ISIS opened negotiations with Jordan for a prisoner exchange. If so, it would be an embarrassing public-relations gaffe, the first ever for ISIS. The White House, which describes ISIS not as a terrorist organization but as "militants" having nothing to do with Islam despite the distracting first initial of its name, said that ISIS needs to learn how to conduct a successful public-relations offensive, as President Obama did in selling his signature health care law. Mr. Obama said that press spokesmen of the U.S. Army would provide prompt assistance. NASA, which has also been "re-purposed" to a mission of Muslim outreach, might provide its launch announcer to do play-by-play for future executions of allied servicemen. High-credibility NBC anchorman Brian Williams, who himself was reportedly shot out of the sky over Iraq, would provide the color commentary.

Mr. Obama lamented the death of Al-Kaseasbeh, but noted that the Jordanian violated the President's no-boots-on-the-ground promise to the American people, as his boots reached the ground when his F-16 was downed. Mr. Obama said that pilots had a duty to remain in the air during dogfights.

In Washington, King Abdullah II and Mr. Obama vowed not to let up in the fight against ISIS. Mr. Obama hopes to capture ISIS leaders, so that they can be read their Miranda warnings and can air their grievances about U.S. imperialism during the Bush/Cheney years at a big, televised trial in Manhattan prior to being sentenced to wearing ankle bracelets for five years, which will make them look too silly to attend meetings planning follow-on terrorism.

The King, on the other hand, decided that justice demanded that the two prisoners ISIS was demanding in exchange for the release of Al-Kaseasbeh, themselves be killed. "Tit for tat," the King smirked. Jordan promptly hanged Sajida al-Rishawi and Ziad al-Karbouly, two Iraqis who are linked to al-Qaeda, although ISIS itself cannot be, because Mr. Obama and Seal Team Six took them out.

Mr. Obama had technical quibbles with the executions. First, executing two prisoners to compensate for the execution of one prisoner could eventually leave Arabia without any occupants at all, which could lead to "war for oil." When Mr. Obama conducts negotiations, he said, he takes care to ensure that the other side receives five top generals while the U.S. gets a single traitor, so that neither side has the desire for follow-on stand-offs. Also, the original prisoner was burned in a cage. Though he said he was "no expert on optics," Mr. Obama told the King that there were plenty of spare cages at the Toledo Zoo that Jordan could borrow to achieve a more symmetric killing. Mr. Obama himself avoids political theater in the pursuit of effective foreign policy.

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