UnNews:Hurricane Katrina: seems as though it just happened yesterday

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26 August 2006

An overhead view of New Orleans, August 2005.
An overhead view of New Orleans, August 2006.

NO ORLEANS, Louisiana -- It has been almost a year since Hurricane Katrina ripped ass up and down the Gulf Coast, and some are fed up with the progress made in the last year (which is close to none).

"It seems as though it just happened yesterday," says one local man, "literally! So-called "efforts" to rebuild the city has done little to actually make New Orleans livable again, and instead, have served to only make matters worse. Several people have told similar stories regarding a recent incident in which several engineers pillaged 5th Street, raping and sodomizing the women, eating house pets, and beating the children. Affidavits filed by locals regarding the incident have gone unnoticed.

The only means of transportation in the city is swimming, considering no fewer than 98% of the city is still underwater. In fact, the only booming business seems to be the boating business. Some locals prefer to customize their boats, often adding oversized rims. This recent boom in the boating business has lead to the creation of a new MTV program, titled, "Pimp my Boat", which is recorded in New Orleans as well.

Even though the city still remains wiped out, this hasn't stopped tourism. Many find the abundant waters of New Orleans to be the perfect place for fishing. Several tourists reported catching unnaturally large, mutated bass, most of which were already living the city prior to Hurricane Katrina.

"Yeah, New York has alligators in the sewers, we have bass. That's how much we suck," stated another local. Indeed, pessimism in the air in New Orleans.