UnNews:Howard cancels city-wide shutdown; imminent strike may shut down city

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16 July 2007

Australian Procrastination Excuse Cause

Sydney, Australia - Prime Minister John 'Howdy' Howard yesterday made an announcement stating that the Sydney CBD and surrounding areas would not be shut down during the APEC meetings, involving the Presidents of Russia, China, Indonesia, America and the Land of Nod. Though this city-wide "lockdown" was promised to many by the government as another "excuse-to-bludge" day, the Liberal government yet again failed to deliver on its promise to the Australian people.

One of the first Lazy Assed hard-working citizen to find out about this blunt treachoury was Mr. Fair Dinkum, who was outraged.

Bush, Howdy and Friends to appear in the new series of the APECtubbies next year.

"The government get's yer (sic) hopes up with all this bullshit about gettin' a free day off me work, and then they throw the old cobber off the friggin' matilda! Was gonna go to the boozer with me cobber and now I have to go in the arvo. Bloody yobbo, that Howard."

Mr. Howard told reporters that all major infiltration and escape routes would be open as usual, and that it was not necessary for the city to lockdown.

"I mean, it's just the presidents and prime-ministers of the five major superpowers of the world. We don't need to be that cautious."

After some further investigation by UnNews involving the Department of Procrastination, we found that the Sydney-siders were so pissed that they had planned a city-wide strike to occur today and tommorrow, but most seemed too lazy to participate in the strike and so went to work instead.

In other news, several named terror suspects have planned to travel to Sydney at the beginning of September, and the Lucas Heights nuclear reactor, capable of destorying three-quaters of Sydney, has just lowered its security measures due to budget cuts in order to purchase a pinball machine for the staff lounge.

--Nickwalnut 07:17, 16 July 2007 (UTC)