UnNews:Fined for illegal Chinese Squirrel

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20 June 2014

An illegal Chinese Squirrel

LOS ANGELES, California

Regulators are fining a Chinese rodent manufacturer almost $1 million for marketing illegal squirrels to American consumers, the Federal Department of Furry Critters announced Tuesday.

The parking attendant called it the largest fine in the history of the agency. He stated that Squirrel Technology Incorporated was selling squirrels that eat nuts, make chirping sounds, chase each other, climb trees, and run away from bounding dogs. Then added "It's $10 to park for the first 4 hours. After that, it's $1/hour. Here's your ticket."

"It is in violation of California law to market, sell, import, export, feed, touch, chase, promote, demote, side-ways note, downsize, upsize, incorporate, disenfranchise, lease, rent, or sponsor squirrels in the State, except in very limited circumstances-such as parades, buffets, outdoor gatherings, concerts, Dive-a-Thons, Swim-a-Thons, and Formula F-1 Racing." Michael Schusterman of the FDFC said. "Squirrels present a direct danger to public safety. Say, wanna buy a house in Beverly Hills?"