UnNews:Duchess gets pregnant to save the marriage

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8 September 2014

Kate's bump - on the way.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- The Duchess of Cambridge's announcement that she is pregnant is said to be British Prime Minister David Cameron's last-gasp effort to stop Scotland from breaking away from the United Kingdom and becoming an independent country.

In a move designed to counter the recent poll success of Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond's referendum campaign to the Scots out of the Union which has united them to England since 1707, Kate's baby may bring the two countries together again in an orgy of royal celebrations and flag waving.

'I had to authorise the pregnancy,' confirmed Cameron, 'when we received reports that Alex Salmond and his gang were about to win the 18th September referendum. I told Prince William to leave his johnnies in the box and go out and create another member of the royal family in the gravest crisis this country has faced since 1940. I am glad the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge agreed to do this and now we know she is pregnant, we can throw our hats in the air.'

Angry supporters of Scottish independence have claimed 'foul' and 'sassanach shenanigans' for the announcement. Though the Alex Salmond had confirmed he wanted to keep Queen Elizabeth II, the British Pound and his oilfields, other nationalists are calling this pregnancy a political-royal-sexual gimmick to scupper Scotland.

Sean Connery, a supporter of Scottish independence living in Spain, said 'I am returning my 007 License to Draw My Pension. Scotland forever!'